Timeless Spirituality
Timeless Spirituality, hosted by Daniel "The Past Life Regressionist," is a captivating podcast that explores the depths of spirituality and its connection to time. Join Daniel and his guests as they delve into past life regression, astrology, and the timeless essence of existence. With occasional humorous moments, this podcast offers profound insights, making it a unique blend of enlightening entertainment. Tune in to connect with your inner self and uncover the totality of who you are and who you've been throughout time.
IG:@thepastliferegressionist
Website: thepastliferegressionist.com
Timeless Spirituality
Ep. 91 - Somehow, I Made It Through: Dani, That Witch Next Door
Join Daniel and Dani, That Witch Next Door, as they navigate the complexities of generational trauma and the illusions of control. Dani's personal journey into sobriety is not just her story—it offers hope to anyone dealing with inner struggles. Her candid discussion on the podcast, along with insights from astrology and tarot, reveals the power of choosing change. Through the lens of astrology, she explains the Saturn return, a pivotal event that brings depth and humility for guiding others wisely.
As Dani shares her transformation, you'll be moved by her openness about the challenges and triumphs of addiction and rebirth.
Dani's bio:
Dani is an instructor and mentor of astrology, witchcraft, and business, and host of That Witch Podcast. She is an eclectic pagan witch with focuses in death work, kitchen magick, and cosmic witchcraft. Dani is passionate about using her connection to and knowledge of astrology for helping her clients empower themselves to align their lives through cosmic education and application. She's a Scorpio Sun, Pisces Moon, and Leo Rising, who loves spending time with her family, creating for her clients and audience, and, after she puts her 5yo to bed, curling up on the couch with her husband, dog, and a classic horror flick.
IG: @thatwitch.nextdoor
Website: thatwitchnextdoor.com
Podcast: That Witch Podcast
Danny, danny, danny. Welcome back to the show. I still have the goober, you know. We're just going to roll with it. Welcome back to the show, danny. How are you doing?
Speaker 2:So good to be here. I'm so glad to be here hanging out with you today and all of the time travelers.
Speaker 1:I'm so happy to have you here and, just in the sake of transparency and authenticity, danny and I have been talking now for about one hour and 43 minutes, so this really is just a formality. Right now, it's exactly that amount, yeah, because Danny's very good with time. So we're scheduled for 2 pm Eastern Standard Time on December 2nd 2023. She signed on right at that time. Right at that time.
Speaker 2:You're dead, always do.
Speaker 1:It's easy to weigh the metric there, because now it's 1243 PM Pacific Standard Time, which would be with 340. Now 344 PM Eastern Standard Time. So that's how we measure the time. And I just want to give a quick shout out to you and your podcast and just how much fun I've had on the two episodes that I've been on. They're just, they're such, they're brain conversations that are just so much fun. I just yeah, like we've been talking serious stuff for the last. Well, I mean, you're not super duper serious, but I I wasn't giddy during our conversation like I am now. It's amazing how that happens when you hit record.
Speaker 2:Okay, anyways it's true, it's totally, totally true. And those episodes are still huge fan favorites, daniel huge yeah. Yeah, I can send you the links for them if you want to have them in the show notes. Yeah, they're very good episodes.
Speaker 1:Oh, there's a whole yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. I want this show to be more like that, but those conversations if I will not I mean this particular, not this episode, because you know what we're talking about today for I would say, time with spirituality. If all episodes could be like those two, I'd be a happy camper.
Speaker 2:Totally. They're gold. They're total gold.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all right, more right brain stuff today.
Speaker 2:Are you ready for?
Speaker 1:the first question.
Speaker 2:I'm ready. I'm an open book.
Speaker 1:All right, my hands are going up for this one. I don't know if your answer is going to be the same as last time, but if it is, we'll see. Danny, what is your favorite song about time and why?
Speaker 2:is, we'll see. Okay, danny, what is your favorite song about time and why my favorite song about time? You know what we're changing it. We're changing it because, if I really had to say what is my favorite song about time, it's definitely time warp from the rocky horror picture show. From the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and why? First of all, classic. Second of all, very catchy, great song. Third, that was one of my proudest mom moments ever when my daughter started asking me to put that song on in the car. Can we listen to Time Warp? I was like yes, so I'm going with Time Warp this time.
Speaker 1:It's funny. I pictured her listening more to death metal.
Speaker 2:But I guess oh, plenty of that goes on, but not in my car, not in my car.
Speaker 1:All right, I love it. I don't think anyone is brought up. Did you bring up Time Warp last time, or was it a different one last time?
Speaker 2:I thought I did Time After Time, didn't I do Time After?
Speaker 1:Time I think you did. Yes, I don't think I've ever heard someone bring up Time Warp on the show. So, anyways, my hands went up because now I play the guess the year game, so that's why you saw my hands go up.
Speaker 2:So you saw that I wasn't typing, because you saw the whole time I was holding my hands up like I was doing jazz hands, except for the shaking 1975, I would agree, 75 sounds right well, let's go look it up, maybe 8, but I would go, 5 is safe it's a time warp for Rocky horror picture or definitely in the 70s. I know that.
Speaker 1:Time Warp is a song featured in the 1973 rock musical the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and it's 1975 film adaptation, film adaptate. Why is that? I got it? Adaptation, adaptation. So yeah, 1975 for the movie. Right, because you listen to that one correct.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, we're. Yeah, huge, huge, huge fans of the movie, huge. So that's why I was like 75 sounds pretty safe. We're gonna go with. That's a correct answer you have.
Speaker 1:No, you have no idea how good that feels for me right now, because I air all these out of order, as everyone knows, because I always bring that up and for probably the last four or five recordings I just haven't known the songs, so my hands have gone down right away. So it feels so good. I no, it didn't get. It's like yes I still got it all right. Are you ready for the next question, as I continue getting all the giddiness out of my system because we're going to shift gears pretty soon yes what do you believe in?
Speaker 2:so open-ended. What do I believe in so open-ended? What do I believe in so many directions to take that we're going to go spiritual with it, since I am that witch next door, I believe in, I believe in I don't necessarily love this term, but hopefully it's one that the majority of people know, so that's why I'm going to use it. I do believe in some type of collective unconscious. I do believe in some type of technically to our visual, it's like invisible, intangible energy source, something that connects all of us the same way that things are all connected in an ecosystem I believe we are part of, I believe we're very micro parts of this huge, beyond our imaginations ecosystem and that's what connects everything and connects all of us resonate so, so deeply with archetypal practices because they are representations of collective unconscious. To me, these universally accepted, understood symbols, regardless of culture and and influence and, uh, I don't ever claim to be able to say what that is and why it exists, but I do very much believe in its existence, did I pass?
Speaker 1:I mean it's open-ended purposely because I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to that question.
Speaker 2:True, I would agree.
Speaker 1:And I think that that is one, because it's not. What do you believe in spiritually? Because you could have said dirt, not for the spiritual part, sure, but what do you believe? I believe in dirt? Okay, I mean, I guess I believe in dirt because it's there, but I also know that dirt's there. But then again, do I know that dirt's there?
Speaker 1:but we don't need to go into duality and non-duality right now, and and the illusion of the universe, we're not taking the red pill today, not today we can go into different kinds of dirt and you know topsoil sand, all that kind of, but no, you know variations. So yeah, icha, I think it's. Archetypes are a cool way to look at the world, or even the universe for that matter, because it really it makes you think if there is more of a story structure to the world, or the universe for that matter, and if there are archetypes, which I do believe in is it a universal concept, such as if there is a life on other planets? Are they living out the same archetypes or do they look differently because of their circumstances and the way that their worlds shape the archetypes, or are the archetypes only exclusive to Earth and then, or our solar system, or galaxy, and so on and so forth? I love that Pondering right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1:Are you ready for the next question?
Speaker 2:Ready.
Speaker 1:Who is Danny?
Speaker 2:Who is Danny? Who is Danny God? That question gets more loaded every year and somehow always stays kind of the same. I'm Danny. I'm that witch next door. What that means to me is I am a believer and practitioner of magic in literally every facet of my life, and maybe you could guess that about me or not, but I maintain my laid us, even the most struggling of us, even the most struggling of us, even the most I don't know if you want to call them bad or evil of us, there's so much more. There's so much more than we could ever possibly. Behind the curtain, beneath the surface and yeah, I mean I, I'm an eclectic witch with focuses in in death magic and in, uh, kitchen witchcraft, uh, definitely cosmic magic as well.
Speaker 2:Um, astrology definitely is my language, but I'm also like a very humble mother of a daughter and wife to a husband and owner of a home and, uh, tender to a garden, and I see what connects all of those things. My spirituality was able to give that to me and I used to really struggle with the who am I question, because none of it fit or made sense in my mind. And now I don't really analyze those things. They just are the things about me to help people get to the same level of acceptance, self-acceptance, hopefully, some alignment. The more you learn about yourself, the more you understand about what to give yourself and what to let go of, about what to give yourself and what to let go of.
Speaker 2:And I help people who are seeking fulfillment. So I'm not the I don't claim to be the professional or expert on success. Fulfillment for me is success, but it's not for all people. I certainly can't promise you a certain number in your bank account. I can tell you that I'll help you get closer and closer to the most real version of yourself in this life so that you can create and continue building fulfillment for yourself. How's that one? Even more open-ended, yeah.
Speaker 1:I like those open-ended questions. They're good At the beginning. Beyond that, I like to make them very succinct.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:So you know exactly what I'm asking.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I thought of a title for your book.
Speaker 2:Okay, I love it. I'm always gathering titles. I hate titles.
Speaker 1:The Girl Next Door on Mars.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love that. My Mars Placements in my Tenth House. It's a huge, huge one of my placements I work with in my work and my career. I really like that.
Speaker 1:Pluto.
Speaker 2:I'm going to file huge one of my placements I work with in my work, in my career.
Speaker 1:I really like that pluto I'm gonna file that one, you can have it I appreciate that my pleasure I'll put you on the dedication page to dm who titled this book.
Speaker 2:I gave me my first past life regression and titled this book thank you, we're good, all right.
Speaker 1:Now that I've got all my goofiness out of my system, I need to take responsibility for that one. So for this episode of the Somehow I Made it Through series, I'm going to shift it up a bit. It's not going to deal so much with suicide as much as clawing your way back from the depths of deep, deep, deep. Yeah, I mean, you got me on that one, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have my own rock bottom.
Speaker 1:And I wanted to have Danny on one, because I like talking to Danny, because Danny's awesome, but Danny is accessible to the world through her podcast, that witch podcast, where you get to know Danny. You get to see Danny in action. And what I love about Danny is I've known Danny. Sorry, I'm talking about you in the third person, but just deal with it. I've known Danny. Now, if we're going to be specific since, was it September 30th or 20? It was the last week of September in 2020, right?
Speaker 2:It was definitely 2020. It was definitely the month of September that we met. We probably started chatting at least a couple of weeks before that, if not a few weeks before that, but yes, september 2020.
Speaker 1:So I've known Dani for a little while now and if she was full of shit, I probably would have seen it by now. And if she is, she's really good at hiding it. I don't think she is. And if she is, she's really good at hiding it. I don't think she is. No, but with all that, you get to see Dani in action. So when I tell you that the Dani who is sitting in front of me now is not the Dani it's the same Dani I met back in September of 2020, but it's also not. She's not the same Dani that I met back in September of 2020. She's not the same Danny that I met back in September 2020.
Speaker 1:There is a glow that you have to you now that wasn't there then. You were going through it back then and to see what you have turned that into in a good sense and worked your way back from all of that a good sense and worked your way back from all of that. I think you are the embodiment of what deep shit looks like and how to turn it around. You know what I mean. I do.
Speaker 2:That's why I like the Nextdoor label To me again. Somebody can look quote-unquote, regular normal on the outside and it doesn't mean that they haven't lived through or gone to the depths like you said, clawed their way out.
Speaker 1:Yeah so what does that look like for you? You know what was that journey from that to Danny today. How did you find purpose through your darkness?
Speaker 2:For me, this was really complex, especially because we paint some very graphic pictures about what the depths look like, about what struggles look like and what rock bottom looks like, and we do a huge disservice to ourselves and to each other by doing this in the first place. I'm very much a part of that. I come from a long, long line of that where you know you kind of people that take that belief that's supposed to instill faith and inspiration, the belief that it could always be worse than what. You have people that took that generations and generations that took that and used that to bypass their own traumas, their own abuse, both that they had received and were giving, to say this be worse, this could be worse. You have, you know, you're so blessed, you have so many things to be grateful for. This could be worse, and I've met many, many people and been very close with and have worked with that have gone through things like we read about in books and my content. Why I talk about this? I work with this very concept with a lot of my own clients, because I think that it is inspiring and it has the ability to be uplifting, to remind yourself there's always something you can be grateful for and I've utilized that tool and that coping mechanism for myself and it's saved me many times. Actually, it's a practice.
Speaker 2:We have to learn how to step outside of that thinking and notice when we're really utilizing that belief to pull us out of a dark place and when we're using that to bypass something which inevitably continues trauma continues injury, injury continues abuse. So I grew up very number one, very privileged, and number two reminded of that in a manipulative way. A manipulative way where my family and authority figures, especially for my generation, the time I grew up, this is a very common experience of many, many, many of my peers. You didn't have it as bad when I was a kid. At least I don't hit you those kinds of things. And when you're told those things for a long enough period of time during your formidable years, they really do cement and solidify in you and you can go through life. We're talking years, we're talking decades to whole, entire lifetimes of bypassing our own experience because of that way of thinking which is directly fueling very, very harmful self-sabotage cycles. And this is exactly what was happening for me and this is why I talk about it, because I want people to also feel inspired and normal to step outside of themselves and go. Hmm, maybe that was harder than I had remembered, maybe that was harder than I had been told. And this isn't to place blame on anyone or anything, but it is to learn.
Speaker 2:We can't do anything about our coping mechanisms and our thought patterns and our behavioral patterns if we don't step outside of them and examine that. We simply cannot. The way that habits and routines are formed are these neural pathways in our brain, and the more often we do something the same way, the deeper and deeper these literal grooves in our brain and it's physically difficult to change course the deeper these grooves are. Well, as you can probably imagine, one of the things that really amplifies that process is substance use and substance abuse and addiction. The chemical process in the brain of chasing a certain type of chemical release in your brain and the withdrawal or lack of that and then the inevitable chasing it again. It's set up for you. Now we do this in our life with all kinds of things. We're chasing dopamine, we're chasing oxytocin, we're chasing serotonin. All the time. We may not realize that's what we're doing, but it is what our brains are programmed to do. But our brains are programmed to do this in the simplest, easiest accessible, immediate way, and this is why substances are like perfect for that. In a bad way for your brain. It works far too well. You do this thing, you take this thing. It will release that chemical it will, it will. There's no ifs ands buts are about it and you know this. And so experientially you're learning that you'll get that high every time. And then chemically you are getting that high every time when we build this dependence.
Speaker 2:Now most of us very much myself included back to these pictures that we paint of people. We paint pictures about who an addict is, what an alcoholic looks like. I mean, I spent years and years and years really, really struggling with addiction and it took me until I began sobriety to even recognize that it was addiction. We look at like the most hardcore of drug addicts and and use that representation for all addiction. And what the problem with this is is number one. It tells everybody number one all addicts know that they're addicts and they know it the whole time and they make these conscious decisions all the time. Then you put in the conversation about addiction and alcoholism being a disease and you really get people going. The debates really start up with that, because this is the only disease that you can be genetically predispositioned to that can be passed on to you. That choice plays a role in this is very different than any other kind of disease. So I definitely like, right off the bat. I see where the debate comes from. I see where the wound in our overall greater society comes from. And the sad part about all of this is, what happens is it keeps addicts addicted number one. It just doesn't help anybody. It keeps addicts addicted and not only that, it keeps them from even realizing that's what is happening and that's what it is.
Speaker 2:And this was me. This was me, 100 million percent. So I grew up sheltered. I had very strict rules, very, very overly strict, because shocker I have addiction in my family. I'm the first. I'm not the first. I'm one of the extremely few in my family that admits that and talks about the addiction in our genetics. I can only think of, off the top of my head, one family member on my mom's side and one family member on my dad's side that would agree with me, and neither of those people are my parents, by the way, which adds to all of this.
Speaker 2:All of this, it's very hard when you know deep, deep down inside of yourself that something is wrong and what's being reflected around you is no, it's not, you're fine. No, it's not. I know it gets bad sometimes but it's okay. This is what enabling is and most of us actually enable, really truly with the intention of love, and it comes from a place of love it does, but it is in and of itself enabling and we don't realize this.
Speaker 2:So when I was a teenager, I was not a rule breaker. My entire life I was scared of authority, I was scared of my parents. I mean, I really you could tell I was that sheltered kid and this was freedom to me and this was how I could escape the confines of everything. I felt like every inch of my life was regulated and told how it was supposed to be. I think to some extent that was true, but I think the bigger picture was that I started telling myself that story very fucking early and believing it for a very long time, strongly, strongly. I have no control. Everybody else around me has control of what I do and of my life. Everything happens to me, to me, to me. Everything's a karmic punishment, everything's like because everything was externally based.
Speaker 2:This in and of itself is addiction brain, by the way. It's programmed to set you up so that you keep your drug of choice going. Your brain, by that point, is so hardwired that it's kind of like an abusive partner, but it lives inside of you. It lives inside of you and it will isolate you and it will not just tell you but show you how the world around you is bad and wrong for you and everyone's bad and wrong for you. And when I started, like drinking with my friends and doing, uh, drugs in high school, this was like like sweet victory and I didn't I didn't have the brain development at the time to. I would never have been able to tell you this back then. So this is very much a hindsight reflection For me.
Speaker 2:The way it really did start was that rebellion. That was how I expressed my teenage rebellion and that was how I expressed, like my. I expressed my teenage rebellion and that was how I expressed, like my. That's how I did something to fight this. This was a little bit real, but mostly perceived control outside of me and that was kind of like how Iositioned for it and because although I did not know this at the time, because I was diagnosed as an adult.
Speaker 2:I was also neurodivergent and I was deficient in some of these neurotransmitters that this predispositions you even more to addictive habits and substances, because I already lack a lot of dopamine, so my body and brain naturally will glob on what is the easiest, fastest. We don't give a fuck way to get a dopamine hit right now. All of this came together as a kind of perfect storm, if you will. Combined with that perception, that whole time, this perception that the world happens to me, everything, yeah, constantly, everything, yeah, constantly. You put all that together and you have just enough, just enough of a fear of, like, failure or letting people down, and you're gonna have yourself a picture-perfect example of a functioning addict. And this is exactly what I was and how I lived. For a long, long time I surrounded myself with people who had the same habits, because if I would surround myself with people with better habits, then I couldn't justify what I was doing. And so, again, your nervous system you naturally start building relationships and connections with people that keep you in that space doing that same thing.
Speaker 2:And I have pages and pages and journals and journals still stacked up of letters I would write to myself, totally blacked out, and you know what's really funny about them. Back then I thought my problem was cigarettes. It's very funny when I go back and read those journal pages. I thought if I could just quit smoking cigarettes, everything would be better. I'd be a better person. But cigarettes was like the lightning rod. It was never even about the cigarettes. Cigarettes went hand in hand with the substance. Cigarettes went hand in hand with the drink. Like it was never. It was never about that. But that's what I would write about was really funny. And again in the midst of, like my deepest blackouts, I'd write these letters sobbing because I have tears on the fucking goddamn pages. Like sobbing, like please, please, stop doing this, begging my future self, please. I do have very early letters to myself to begging myself to slow down drinking, to control my drinking.
Speaker 2:At a very, very young age I was already like something's wrong here. I'm different than my friends. There's not stopping. I reacted completely differently to partying, especially at the end of the night, than anybody that I was friends with, until I started becoming more and more friends with people who also had drug and alcohol problems and then I really started to go into the dark places. First time I got addicted to a substance and knew about it and admitted it was prescription oxycodone and oxycontin, and I was only addicted to it physically for under a year, but I have a lot of or lack thereof to show from that year. Because of that, I spent thousands and thousands of dollars that my parents would give to me for rent, and I would spend it on drugs and find a way to get more money from them and spend it on drugs again. I mean, I just and this is the truth, this is the nature of many addicts journeys you really do like siphon off of the people around you, and I was able to pull myself out of that substance specifically without any help other than like support from one friend that I confided in, and I was able to get through the withdrawal period at home with her and I cut out those friends. It helped because she was my best friend at the time and she cut them out with me at the same time. In a lot of ways, I will forever be like indebted to that solidarity she was able to offer me at that time.
Speaker 2:This entire time, though, my drinking was a part of everything, but it's easier to tell yourself you're not doing anything wrong when it comes to drinking because of big alcohol and because of alcohol culture in our western society and, in a lot of ways, in our global society. And it wasn't until I became a mom that the mirror, this undeniable mirror, was just constantly in my face, constantly. Every single time I would look at my kid, I see this mirror of my behavior mirroring back to me. You're marrying back to me and I am grateful that things didn't get worse. There's that like mentality again and there are decisions that I made as a mother a new mother to a baby and a toddler that I use now.
Speaker 2:I use those memories as evidentiary proof for myself. I use those memories when my addiction mind talks to me and tries to tell me that I'm just being dramatic. I never really had a problem. I'm doing the sobriety thing for attention. It wasn't really that bad. It's been almost two years. You could totally have a drink. Now you could totally have a drink. That's the hard one.
Speaker 2:Most people don't understand is why do recovering alcoholics and recovering addicts do the one day at a time approach but shoot for the lifelong? I mean, that's ultimately what you're shooting for. You're just moving through it one day at a time because you're you're. You're one thing that I've been told in the recovery circle is your, your alcoholism, your addiction. It's always doing push-ups, it's always, it never goes away, it's always looking for a way to get back in. So I use those memories not to beat myself up, not to feel shitty about myself, but as evidentiary proof that these were actions and behavioral patterns that are directly incongruent with my values and my morals as an individual and especially as a mother, especially as a team member of a household, because, for full transparency, my husband doesn't have an addictive bone in his entire body. It was not his thing in this life. He's got plenty of his own baggage and shit in his life, but addiction isn't one of them, and I use that information and it was actually from talking about it on the podcast that catalyzed the whole entire thing, and I received a download one day like a cosmic channel download, psychic hit, whatever you want to call it.
Speaker 2:I had been being asked to talk about my death magic a lot and I did an episode about how I became a death witch and I was not prepared for this at all, but if you listen to my show it's probably pretty clear. I don't prepare maybe a few notes here and there, but I don't script my show at all and I was post some of the biggest and like hardest decisions. A lot of stuff happened to me that year and I was in. It was another one of those the mirror the mirror that I always talk about that, but the mirror that was already constantly in my face, like like man. It was just like clearer and clearer every day and I went on to talk about death, witchcraft and instead not instead, but where it went and what it developed organically into on the episode, because it was true, I ended up sharing about my struggles with addiction. It was very sweet at the time I was talking about in the past tense because I was talking about my struggle with pills, but I couldn't ignore the fact that after I stopped the recording and put the episode out there that I was struggling on the inside constantly, not just every day, all day, throughout the day, every single day, I was constantly in conversation and usually more argument with myself of should I drink or not today, should I drink or not today?
Speaker 2:First of all, I always lost that argument. I drink every single day and the fight was much more about how long can I push it off today, how long can I push it off today? And to a point where it feels justifiable Again, these are very common traits of a functioning alcoholic. I never lost a job due to my alcoholism. I didn't get the shakes. This is another very common tactic is you keep your tolerance to a certain level so that you can keep yourself convinced that there's no problem, so that you can keep giving yourself your drug of choice or your substance of choice. And I was approached by like to this day, I still get approached. I've probably been approached by hundreds of people from that one episode.
Speaker 2:And I went into that holiday season with that same old mindset I'm going to control my drinking once and for all. Fucking control, as always. And I bottomed out instead. That's usually what happens if you're an addict, by the way, there's nothing wrong with you, it's part of your journey, it's part of the journey. The tighter you try to control, the more you will spin out of control. That's exactly what happened. I was so fucking determined to uphold this image of this business owner and leader that I am and was, and the kind of mother that I am and was and what kind of individual. And I viewed sobriety as a punishment and I would constantly say to myself you have to get this under control so that you don't have to quit drinking, like please, you're going to have to be one of those people. That it makes me laugh so much now when I think about it that way, because when I did that way, because when I did bottom out, when I did spiral, when I did crack two months later in January and I hit my rock bottom emotionally and spiritually, I am grateful. I'm grateful that that happened and that it bottomed out that bad, because for the first time ever in my entire life, in all of my years absolutely fucking, tirelessly battling with my addiction, for the first time ever I saw sobriety as the freedom, not the punishment and the sentence.
Speaker 2:And I'll never forget it was sunrise the morning after my bottoming out, which was I went to a cooking class that I was very, very excited about. With my mom, I picked out the cooking class I'd always wanted to go to as a Julia child. I was very excited about it. It meant a lot to me, and I blacked out and I got so drunk that I don't remember any of the food, I don't remember eating any of it, and I went and slept in my mom's car and I had been talking up the podcast and connecting people with about it and the class and the shame that that brought me was it felt unbearable, truly unbearable, like, really, truly that's. That's some of the closest to like suicide. I mean, I just felt like the most worthless I had ever, ever, ever possibly felt, and this huge, just more than a burden, like a poison. I felt like a poison to everyone, the people I love the most especially, and something that morning because I couldn't sleep because I had come home, my mom had to drop me off and I had to pass out at two o'clock in the afternoon or whatever. This cooking class was at 10 am.
Speaker 2:It was fucking Sunday and my daughter came and woke me up at like 6.30 pm and, just like you can imagine, the tsunami of guilt was another wasted afternoon, another wasted afternoon, and I remember thinking like what the fuck like? Is this what she like? Is this what she's perceiving of me? Like this? And the worst part was that nobody batted an eye. It was that normal for me to do that, that nobody batted an eye. And so the next morning at sunrise I hadn't slept since I had slept all fucking afternoon the day before I I get this.
Speaker 2:Just it was like the closest to like a spiritual revelation, like that I can describe, and nobody understood. It was hilarious. Well, it wasn't funny at the time. It's funny now, but when I told people closest to me they were like why, that's how good I had gotten at normalizing my behavior, justifying it to the people close to me and hiding how big my self-hatred was about this, how ashamed I was about this. I thought for sure people would see this and be like, oh, thank God, she's not going to drink anymore. People would see this and be like, oh, thank god, she's not gonna drink anymore. But I saved, like how a lot of people lash out when they drink and use. I saved that and like, did that to myself inwardly so that nobody would know that's what my addiction was doing. And so it was really really fucking hard, especially with the closest people to me. To this day, my own parents still don't understand why and they don't have to talk to me about it, and that's all right. It runs very, very, very deep on both sides of my family. I would not call either of my parents addicts, but they're definitely, definitely children and grandchildren of it, and it was crazy normalized for them.
Speaker 2:I definitely see where it came from, but I'm glad and grateful for the way that it happened because it meant that I had no other choice but to lean into my own conviction. I couldn't rely on other people around me like bolstering me up to stay committed. I had to do that and I started one. There's many, many recovery programs and I tried out one for a while that I'm glad that I did. It was great icebreaker, got me into the world of therapy and group work and support work and recovery programs and stuff.
Speaker 2:You definitely can't do this shit alone. Even if you don't do like an actual program program, you need external support. You definitely can't do this shit alone. Even if you don't do like an actual program program. You need, you need external support. You do. It doesn't matter what it looks like, but you need it a hundred percent.
Speaker 2:And um, I finally found um a program, a recovery program, that resonates the most deeply with me, especially as the very deeply spiritual person that I am. That's a very huge component for me. My recovery program has to respect and incorporate my spirituality, because every part of my life does, and this journey to sobriety is not or in sobriety and recovery. It's not drinking or not using doesn't fix you and it doesn't heal you, contrary to what we believe, but it does open the door for healing and it allows you to finally address everything that you were drinking and using to run away from. And that's why I believe I've achieved my purpose and found my direction and found my calling, because I believe that I finally made a choice to remove the thing that was keeping me from it for the longest amount of time.
Speaker 2:So my work is not over and it will never be over and this will be a lifelong thing. I will always work on with myself. But I've also learned not to demonize my addiction and those shadows. They're a part of me and it's why I'm able to do the work that I do with clients and the type of support I'm now able to offer people because I'm able to use my own experience. But yeah, from the outside my situation does not look like what you'd read about, like a person who got addicted to drugs and alcohol in a book at all. On the surface, that's made very clear by my friends and family, but on the inside it was the most hateful place I ever lived for the longest amount of time in my life, which was almost 20 years I mean my, my response is just is going to seem so generic right now, but thank you for sharing all that.
Speaker 1:I hope that doesn't come off the wrong way. I really appreciate you going into depth, and here's where the struggle comes in for me. It was no secret to me when I met you that you were suffering and in that space of substance abuse, I'm pretty sure I remember you even talking about the alcohol at the time and there was a look in your eye where I'm like this is someone very special. I can see how special she is, but there's an absence there as well. Then I remember interviewing you a few months later for the Instagram live show that I was doing at the time and you showed up differently then, like much differently, and you had started your coaching business and you were doing great and you were glowing a different way. And then I remember interviewing you for Timeless Spirituality. I think it was around November when we did that interview Maybe November or December.
Speaker 1:I think it was before I released the podcast initially, before I'd launched. That would have been in November and you were still showing up that same way that you had in. I think it was like April or March or May, somewhere around there, where maybe it was late no, maybe it was later. I can't remember exactly when it was for the Instagram live, but I know it was during 2021. And then I remember seeing you after January 2022. And you were there then and I guess the struggle that I'm having is I guess I never realized the extent of it once you had started showing up in the world a different way. Do you feel that your addiction interfered with your work at all at the time?
Speaker 2:Yes, my addiction impacted my career, always in different ways at different jobs, but I, especially as a like, a spiritual, like channel, I experienced a lot of blockage, a lot, and it makes sense to me why so much more now in hindsight? And I needed to have that block there. I was aware of it. It would drive me nuts, it would drive me crazy. I would be like I, I can feel these like skills, like these abilities, I I'm like right there and why can I not fully connect? And in order to really be able to utilize those kinds of abilities to their full potential, you have to have a certain level of self-awareness, and that was impossible at that time because I was not letting myself at all at all be fully aware of the extent of the issue at all.
Speaker 2:The convincing I did for other people really truly started and began with me and convincing myself for a long, long, long time. That notion of other people are so much worse, though. I even knew people that drank more and like quote, worse than I do. Well, if I have to be sober, they have to be sober. I mean, it took me so long to finally get to that place where I got to at sunrise that morning where I was like it's literally not about anybody else.
Speaker 2:That whole year for all of you tarot readers out there I could not stop pulling the fucking eight of swords over and, over, and over and over again. If you don't know much about the eight of swords card, first of look it up right now on your phone, immediately. The imagery speaks beautifully for itself. It's this person surrounded by a cage of swords, blindfolded. Technically they're standing like they're bound with their hands behind their back, but their trappings sure are awfully loose and the swords surrounding them are definitely not truly a cage. It's this card of self-victimization, it's this card of self-imprisonment that you're the one keeping yourself there, especially based on the stories you continue telling yourself about yourself and the world around you. And so it wasn't until I got to this place of it's literally not about anyone, anyone else or anything that you could possibly compare it to. What is the truth about how this impacts my life, my life?
Speaker 2:And the truth was I was in this self-imposed cage of I mean, every single day I was arguing with myself. On the inside it was constant justification, battle, constant, constant. And when I finally realized, oh my god, if I just, I just chose to stop drinking, I would never, ever, ever have to have that argument with myself ever again. And for the first time ever it felt freeing and liberating and clarifying and lighter to have that choice just made for me. So I did, and still do, believe in the one day at a time mindset.
Speaker 2:But the reason I had to shoot for sobriety, I did that to set myself free, really, truly. It took me until that day to know how imprisoned I really had felt. That's why it makes so much sense now in hindsight. No one else around me would have ever been able to truly, truly pick up on the full extent of it. Even my husband even to this day he does it He'll never be able to fully grasp it.
Speaker 2:That's because of how much I experienced all of that within and that goes back to a lot of my own trauma. I'm a fond response person. I don't burden people with my emotions and my difficulties, and that goes all back with my emotions and my difficulties and that goes all back to my childhood wounds and stuff like that. It makes a lot of sense why I got rolled and wrapped up in my addiction and I still had to trust that experience of myself, even though people around me didn't really fully see it all the way. I had to trust, like yeah, but I do know how I experience it every day and it is this bad and I'm exhausted and I'm tired of fighting myself, so I'm not gonna fight myself anymore.
Speaker 1:That's how I finally saw it that day so I thought that the most difficult question that I was going to ask you was going to be who is danny? But I think this question may be the most difficult question that.
Speaker 2:I was going to ask you was going to be. Who is Danny?
Speaker 1:But I think this question may be the most difficult one, yeah, in hindsight. Well, when you launched your solo podcast, it took off pretty quickly and look, you're Danny. So I can't think of I want to put it, I can't think of anyone more worthy and who deserves it more than you. But out of the people who I know in this space who had I mean, do we? I'd say you had a meteoric rise in you know, relatively speaking in this world?
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure, especially relatively speaking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, In retrospect, were you ready for it, considering what you were going through personally at the time?
Speaker 2:No, definitely not, Definitely not. There is. I had already said that was like such a huge year and so much had transpired and so much had changed. It was a big tower year for me for sure, even with the clarity that that brought me and how much closer all of those events brought me to myself. That that brought me and how much closer all of those events brought me to myself, I still was so in the dark, keeping myself in the dark so much, so much.
Speaker 2:And drinking wasn't my only unhealthy coping mechanism. In fact, drinking was the byproduct of a lot of unhealthy coping, coping mechanisms and thought patterns. Mainly that's why, when you reach out to me about the show, that's why I do find this fitting in the conversation, because those types of self-sabotage cycles, they are part of the suicidal spectrum. I think they're a different version, I think it's a different journey, but it is akin. I think it's part of the overall greater spectrum. That's why I say and you'll hear lots of alcoholics and recovering addicts say the same thing that's why they say stopping the drug use or the alcohol use does not do the healing. All of your problems are there. All of them are there, being able to, and when that happened and because I continued to chase and surround myself with people that were good for my nervous system. That was probably the biggest. It was like the most go-to home base I had for myself. This needs the activity and the person. It has to be good for my nervous system, otherwise it needs to be a no, because I was so fragile in early sobriety I'm still in early sobriety. I'm just under two years. This is early sobriety. But especially in those first few months I just kept surrounding myself. I was very blessed in a lot of ways that I went through the stint that I went through over a decade before that with pills. I had done a version of this. I I knew the main steps that needed to be taken.
Speaker 2:I knew that anybody that fueled that, fueled those same thought patterns and behavioral patterns in me, had to go. It didn't mean anything bad about them. But the way I looked at it then, the way I look at it now, is sometimes when two people come together, I see almost like our auras. It's almost like you can see the colors and they mesh well. But sometimes people come into our lives and the colors that it makes is very ugly. It doesn't mean you or the person is necessarily a good or a bad person. It's way more complex than that for all of us, even who we label bad people, the truth is it doesn't matter who's good and bad.
Speaker 2:The bottom line is that when you mesh with this person, when they come into your life, they're bringing out the worst in you. More often than not, you're also bringing out the worst in them, and I knew at that point how to recognize that because of previous experiences and slowly, slowly, one by one, like you know if, if people were, I don't know, unsupportive in any way at all, I was like this has to go, this is not a safe person, this is not a safe environment. I can't go to that place. I just knew that, that safety padding for myself that early when I did that and trusted and trusted, and trusted, because you don't really know anything, you're just focusing on one day at a time at that point. So you're living in such a different kind of fog. Then you get 200, 300 days under your belt, you get 500, 600 days under your belt and now I'm finally, finally.
Speaker 2:Now I'm in that place where I'm like, oh, first of all, I'm a baby deer, I don't know anything, and that if I'm in that like humble place right now, like, oh, I've been thinking that I knew everything, that I knew everything there was to know about myself and how I operated, like especially being a tarot reader and a person who works with archetypal practices and divination and birth charts and past life regression and like, oh, if there was anyone who took an interest in how I operated, it was me, and I thought I would have been able to, like, write my fucking memoir by that point, which is so again, so funny to think about at this point.
Speaker 2:And like, no, first of all, I was not ready for any of that and I did not know myself nearly, nearly to the extent that I thought I did, and now I'm able. My current season on the podcast, season five, has been this incredibly raw, transparent series of recording when it calls to me, sharing just from the heart. It's been a beautiful representation of me getting to know or getting to rediscover myself and parts of myself, or getting to rediscover myself and parts of myself, and I wasn't ready for it then. I'm proud of myself for how I managed it, still even knowing that now, oh yeah you deserve credit for that.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you. Thank you. I definitely am proud of myself for how I moved through it. But no, I wasn't ready and therefore I didn't really take advantage of it and in hindsight I'm glad. I'm glad I didn't take advantage of it back then and grow the living shit out of it and go viral. Back then I wouldn't have been able to. I don't know if I would have been able to embark on this journey if I had that many eyes on me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, the podcast kind of exploded and I was faced with decisions very frequently. Do you want to do the things to keep this explosion going or do you want to keep focusing your energy on this nervous system work, this introspective work, this shadow work that you're doing and this healing and generational healing and stuff that you're doing? And I've made a choice for the last year and a half because, yeah, that all happened when I was about six months into the podcast, and we're just over two years into the podcast now, and we're just over two years into the podcast now. Over the last year and a half, I kept choosing the healing and I'm glad that I did, because my growth and my supporters are very organic now because of that and I firmly, I don't just believe that, that I know, I don't even have to believe that, now that I have proof of that in my community every single day.
Speaker 1:That's really my community.
Speaker 2:Let me just say, especially to any of you that are already in my community, every single day, that's really my community. Let me just say, especially to any of you that are already in my community that are listening to me right now you have no idea the way you make my world go around, because you are this evidentiary proof in my life every day why I have that Taurus midheaven that I do and why I do the slow and steady thing, why I make the decisions I do in the short term for the long haul, even if it might take me longer to get there, because that's why I've been able to grow the authentic, trusting and strong community that I have been able to.
Speaker 1:So there's something I've been thinking about a lot for the last couple months and it really came out of a conversation I had with a good friend of mine and I won't put them on blast right now for it because a lot of people may hate them for this conversation.
Speaker 1:So what we talked about was the saturn return and spiritual practitioners entering the space before their saturn return. Prior to the conversation, I I didn't see an issue with it. I always looked at it as age ain't nothing but a number, because I think that some people in their 20s are much more wise than someone who may be 70. Of course, there's an exception to the rule, type of thing. But as I've been in the space more and more, I'm really coming to believe that I don't think anyone should be a spiritual practitioner before their Saturn return. I don't care how wise you are or how gifted you are. I don't think it is appropriate and that's not to say that anyone post-Saturn return has any business being a spiritual practitioner either because I think there's a lot of inner work you need to do on yourself in order to do that.
Speaker 2:And I mean.
Speaker 1:I didn't get certified in past life regression until I was going through my Saturn return and look, there was a lot of growing I still needed to do and a lot of growing I still do have to do. But I mean, I think you are a casebook study here or textbook study, for your Saturn return really rocks your world and really brought a lot to the surface for you in terms of self-awareness.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:And I know I'm alienating a huge chunk of the audience right now because of you know. I know I'm alienating a huge chunk of the audience right now because we know our demographics and that I have a significant percentage of the audience that is under 30. I don't mean to discourage you, but I hope that you heard everything that Danny said. You may have gone to hell and back in your first 29 years and you may have experienced more life in those 20-some years than most people would experience in a lifetime. But this is where I'm on the side of astrology and that I really think there is something to be said for that transit and that you come out of your Saturn return a different person and your Saturn return usually happens around 29. And I really think it. You should go through the Saturn return Even if you're in the midst of it, but you can learn all these things. But in terms of you know what I mean, dani, what's your take on terms of you know? Do you know what I?
Speaker 2:mean, danny, what's your take on what I know what you mean? I think it's fascinating. Number one, especially I'm very intrigued because I haven't talked about it formally or like officially with anybody as far. My opinion should someone, or should someone not?
Speaker 2:However, there are several content creators that I follow that are pretty big numbers, wise, and I would the astrologer in me would kind of just smile to myself when I would read certain things or see certain posts or videos, because one of the biggest markers before your Saturn return, honestly, like no matter how humble you think you are until you've been through it, and on the other side of it, you know, even if you don't believe in astrology, even if you don't believe in astrology, which is the saturn return is one of the biggest things that actually converts people and gets them to astrology. It's undeniable. It's undeniable, especially the, especially when you slam them with the second saturn return. How about your midlife crisis? It's undeniable. But even if you don't believe in astrology, that transition, those transitionary years from your 20s into your 30s you are that like wounded warrior on the other side, like you, you you do come out like bandaged up, no matter what it was that happened to you, and you are a whole different kind of humble you didn't even know existed. So there are a lot of either, like what do you call them? Not elder millennials, so younger millennials I guess I'm'm like smack dab in the middle Younger millennials, and particularly Gen Zers, that are pretty big-time content creators in the spiritual industry, that either through their family or their own self-discovery they started practicing spiritual practices and methodologies pretty early and in a lot of ways like I.
Speaker 2:You know sometimes I get jealous. I'm like man. I wonder like how much maybe I would have avoided if, like, I had the gift of astrology, if I had that when I was going through all that, when I was in my late, my early twenties. But then you see them share, say certain things, and again I would. I've smiled to myself very, very often like, oh, sweet baby angel, like the mark of the Saturn return to me is, especially if you really leaned into into it, whether you even knew you were going through your Saturn return or not. Again, astrology isn't even a requirement for this. The way I know that you really leaned into it and learned from it, because not everybody learns from it. That's the gig with Saturn. There's those Saturnian rings. Saturn will teach you as many fucking times as you need to learn, it doesn't matter. But the mark of the person who is leaning into and learning their Saturnian lessons are the people that come out the other side and they're the first to say things like you know, but I'm always learning, but I'm always open to learning more. The people that they're able to speak with confidence and authority in their niche and their industry and the things they've really educated themselves about and that they're really experienced in. But they always leave room for this like, but I don't know everything. Always leave room for this like, but you know, but I don't know everything. It's this mark of it, because before that, one of the most quintessential marks of anyone in their 20s is I've been to hell and back, I know it all. I've been to hell and back. I know every single thing. No, you don't. I believe you. The hell and back part a version of it, but this life will continue humbling you 's. What the first saturn return teaches you is the learning process is never ending. Number one, literally. Number two, one of my biggest and I just I just taught this in a saturn lecture that I did for my students in that witch school not that long ago, is all teachers or sorry, no, I almost flipped it backwards All students can be teachers and all teachers will always also remain students. That is a Saturnian law and that's what you learn. On the other side, we can learn from literally anyone or anything, and that's where I resonate with you as well. Daniel Age is just a number. We can genuinely learn from anyone. Anything is able to have a type of wisdom that we don't have already. And no matter how much you learn and gain in this world, no matter how much of an expert you become or whatever, you are always a learning being. That is the mark of Saturn to me. So that's why I definitely see where that opinion to me probably gets received in a very defensive way, but I'm able to see because of going through the Saturn return, I'm able to see. Because of going through the Saturn return, I'm able to see why that is actually important someone trying to offer help and understanding. And, number one give yourself time, give yourself space. It really is not a race and it's not about knowing everything. And no matter how much you've done up until that point, I don't care if you've been in therapy the whole entire time doing all this work, if you haven't been through your Saturn return, you will go through experiences that humble you to yourself and to the world around you. That's the point of it.
Speaker 2:And it scares everybody, but it's not a scary thing, big part of why I did the lecture that I did. It's a beautiful thing, it's a sacred, sacred thing. And so it's interesting. You ask it because I had a whole ass business before that witch next door LLC. And before my Saturn return. I lost that business in the midst of my Saturn return and it didn't work out very much. For a reason I'm not regretting that I went into business at that age and I would still tell people I think that it's okay to be a spiritual practitioner. I would caution deeply anybody wanting to be a professional spiritual practitioner to double, triple, quadruple check every single decision that you make and be open to learning from every single one of them honestly, because even the ones that you feel the surest about your bones, sure soul, sure about will turn out to be a lesson that you never realized. It was the whole entire time. That's why it's humbling.
Speaker 2:So I didn't really give a clear opinion because I oh, I thought it was clear okay, I I wouldn't say you shouldn't be like allowed, but I would strongly, strongly caution you to maybe instead utilize that time to keep educating yourself, growing your, your community, growing your network. That, the network I built during those years far more valuable to me than any monetary success or business success I had at some points, or whatever.
Speaker 1:I'd just like to point out how there's so much more elegance in your response than there was in mine.
Speaker 2:Sorry, fucking inspiring seeing people younger and younger being ambitious, and I also am in circle with, and and have met and connected with many young people at like 22 and 23 years old, succumbing to the kind of comparison cycle that you don't even need to come to that at 50 years old. Like you have time and resources and, trust me, you know the things I was doing at 22, 23 years old, especially in the story I just told yeah, you're okay to just chill and keep learning. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and now, probably the most controversial thing I'll say today, other than the joke that I told Danny before we started recording. It was a good joke. I mentioned at the beginning of my Saturn return rant that there's always going to be an exception to the rule. If you're listening to this right now, I'm sorry, but you're not an exception to the rule. And so Danny, danny, just started laughing after I said that, and I, I I know that's a horrible thing for me to say and it's probably very discouraging, but I also know that by saying that there's an exception to the rule, that that's what everyone would be latching onto is I'm the exception of the rule. I'm the exception of the rule. So if you thought you were an exception to the rule, I'd say why do you think you're an exception of the rule? I'm the exception of the rule. So if you thought you were an exception of the rule and say why do you think you're an exception of the rule? Make a list.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then I want you to sit down and write 10 pages talking about your belief system. I know that sounds weird, I've never done it, but I'm also 37. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I was wrong.
Speaker 2:I shouldn't have said that, but didn't going through your Saturn return and going from your 20s to your 30s, didn't it give you that humility that now, at 37, you know you will probably also be humbled moving from your 30s to your 40s it gives you this understanding that you cannot.
Speaker 2:That's why no one gets around it. That's why there's no exception to the rule Daniel's talking about. You have to go through it, you have to. That was it. You have to putting it. You see, evidentiary. I could name all kinds of pop culture figures, so like, for example I'll just pick a super easy one that's super easy to pick on and usually pretty universally. Most opinions are said about this guy, but donald trumpin is a perfect example of someone who rejects saturnian lessons, who always. There's a difference between being confident and I have nothing to learn. Now, before you make any assumptions about my political association, I could really piss you off. So I don't pick sides, and I could definitely say the same thing for somebody who is on your side, if you're listening to this. But I want to use this really easy pop culture example of someone who literally brags about themselves. Oh, they have nothing, have nothing to learn. It's just an easy easy yes, stereotypical example.
Speaker 1:I know the most.
Speaker 2:Yes, exactly, I know the most Someone who really is learning from their experiences and learns from their Saturn return. It continues fostering that humility. It prepares you in a lot, a lot of ways. That's why there's no exception to the rule, no matter how together you have it, no matter how many of your healthy coping mechanisms you do have.
Speaker 1:I have a five-hour morning routine. I wake up at 4.27 in the morning.
Speaker 2:That mentality in and of itself. That's why you have to get humbled. I'm doing everything perfect and possible that I possibly could. I'm making the best decisions for myself. Possibly that kind of mentality and that is not Saturn's job is to break us out of that those patterns of monotony for ourselves, because we will not. Saturn is very driven by success. Why do you think it rules traditionally the 10th house and Capricorn. There's a lot of growth initiative in Saturn, growth initiative in saturn, and if you are doing things or thinking even just about things in, uh, I don't really see anything that needs to be done here.
Speaker 1:Oh, it'll be made clear and for anyone who may be listening to the show for the first time, thinking, man, that Daniel is such an asshole. He's so arrogant, talking like he's got it all together Well, sarcasm. And astrologically, if we're going by traditional astrology, my chart ruler is Saturn and even if we're not looking at traditional, saturn is conjunct my midheaven, so there is no getting around Saturn for me. So I'm joking, these are jokes. We say like I'm 37. I don't need to do that. I'm joking people. I'm joking and I made a joke to Danny before we started recording. It's a good joke. It wasn't sarcasm, it was really good. It could really piss a lot of people off. It wasn't even something that was bad, it really wasn't. It wasn't atrocious, nothing. It wasn't offensive, none of that. But because you know society, yeah, it was a good joke, though I'm really proud of it and I'm never to forget that one. I don't think Danny will either.
Speaker 1:So if by any chance, I do, probably not Just say to me remember that joke you said a couple years ago yeah, it was a good one, wasn't it Like yeah, It'll be present in a couple years.
Speaker 2:Remember that joke. I still remember that joke.
Speaker 1:Danny, are you ready for the Saturn game right now? That's the first time I'm calling it the Saturn game. So this is a game that is new to Time with Spirituality, and the game is, how have you grown in? So I have a baggie here with four different periods of time and you will see as I stick my hand in the bag and twirl it around and take it out again because I like to maintain the integrity of the game. So you see, I'm not rigging it and swirl it around again and, since we're working the rule of three, hand out again, swirling it around again. So, danny, how have you grown in the past month?
Speaker 2:Month, month, ooh. So we're recording this. The beginning of December, a lot. This was our first Halloween and saw one in our new home here. My family and I moved over 2,000 miles away from our original home in Colorado up to New England no, not for a job, no, not to be closer to people for a brand new adventure we don't have any friends or family out here totally forging a new life. And so much of last year was about getting to my first year of sobriety. So there's a lot of like significant holidays, a lot of days in there that they're fuzzy in my memory because I was so and I had to be just so focused on just stay sober, stay sober, don't drink. So this was my first one in a lot of newfound clarity that I talked about.
Speaker 2:And this past November has been so sacred to me as a death witch, being out here living Like, if you're not already from New England, so if you're like me and you hadn't really been to this region of the world very much before, we just live in the forest out here. That's how much forest is out here. They had to make clearings to make towns and cities and neighborhoods and stuff, otherwise it would just literally be trees everywhere. It's not like that in Colorado. It's much, much, much barer than most of Colorado, and so seeing this process of growth, harvest release, hibernation, this seasonal cycle so literally in front of me, has been humbling. That's clearly my keyword of the entire episode today. That's my biggest takeaway. There is so much beauty in the death out here. I love this late fall, early winter out here and I am really because the warm months are gone and the cold months are here. You know, this is the time that social events get much fewer and farther between and this has been some of the first real like lonely isolation I'm experiencing. That's a natural part of what happens when you move so far away. It's part of the process. It doesn't make me regret the process or think we made the wrong decision, but it is a very sacred part of the process.
Speaker 2:And over the last month and over the last month even though this was my second halloween, my second birthday, my second thanksgiving, my second holiday season, sober it is with such clearer, clearer eyes. It's I have and that's the beauty of you asking me this in a Saturn lens because again, before all this, I would have, even a year ago, told you I knew X, y and Z about me. I knew X, y and Z about me and this past month in particular has been so rebirthing for me as an individual, as a mother, as a business owner, as a homeowner. It's like, finally, because so much of the dust has settled from like the big move itself and like that just took so much energy and now that things are getting still, I'm learning again.
Speaker 2:This is why, again, daniel says there's no exception to the rule, because once again, I have found myself in yet another one of those parts of those cycles of being so humbled by getting to rediscover and connect with parts of myself I didn't know were there, or shut up or I put somewhere, and learning how to bring them up and out and into the light, learning how to express them, learning what role those parts of myself play in the people's lives around me, me being, yes, this micro, teeny, tiny speck of a human in this big giant universe and yet becoming more and more aware each day of my role in that, my impact in that and therefore all of ours.
Speaker 2:So I've been taking in the season a lot as in, like the cycle of our seasons and what that means, how that looks for each of us, how that looks for me, and this month in particular, has been a really, really cool reclamation of identity and it's very much. It makes a lot of sense to me why spirit gave you that time period chunk, to ask me. I'm glad you made me reflect on this past month specifically, especially because we're recording on December 2nd, so we're like fresh into a new calendar month, like, hmm, this whole November, in a very humble way that might not look like very much on the outside, has catalyzed a lot, a lot of personal transformation as far as identity goes, for me for sure.
Speaker 1:Sounds like a busy November.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1:And before we wrap up I need to call daniel because she's completely full of shit about something she said about you know, the whole of the political thing not being political. Why the fuck do you think she moved to new hampshire? Yeah yeah, it's because she wanted to have more say in the political process by moving to the state with the first primary in the in the. I was saying this first primary in the union. Do we still consider it the union? I didn't even think about that.
Speaker 2:That's so funny oh bullshit.
Speaker 2:I feel a little nervous putting this out there, but it is true identity. I don't participate in our political system. Actually, I'm very, um very, very, very deeply anti-government, particularly ours, and so I very purposely don't participate in it because I believe deeply most people would call me a libertarian I wouldn't even call myself that because that's still part of the overall political structure. I believe in peaceful seceding of that system by more and more and more numbers of people to form their own self-sustaining societies. That's what I believe in and that is a more accepted political view out here than anywhere I've ever lived before. So that part, yes, but definitely. I had to just ask my husband the other day about the candidates.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, it's okay, danny's my friend, we can do this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is a good example of people can talk about these things and be friends. We don't have to all murder each other. Could all learn from those lessons in kindergarten, yeah, we can talk about these things and not cancel each other or not fight or not worry, I don't know. I just see a lot of people feel afraid to talk about political anything now and they totally see where it comes from, because it's a witch hunt out there right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're still my friend, danny, it's okay.
Speaker 2:Cheers Exactly.
Speaker 1:You're good. We don't have to see the world the same way. It's okay, I still respect you. Thank you and I. You're good. We don't have to see the world the same way it's okay, yep. I still respect you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, and I still respect you See.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 2:Learning. The morning of my joke was really good earlier.
Speaker 1:right, it was a very good joke earlier. It was good yeah.
Speaker 2:Too morbid for the masses.
Speaker 1:The people aren't ready for it. Really was really pg.
Speaker 2:At the same time, there's no bad words oh yeah, a comedian could get away with it and they still have a lot of people in the crowd.
Speaker 1:Go, oh well, a lot of people in our crowd, other people would find that really funny. Yeah, okay anyways. So where can everyone reach you, you?
Speaker 2:You can reach me at that Witch Next Door, everywhere across social media and the internet. You can go to thatwitchnextdoorcom. I'm the host of that Witch Podcast. I am on Instagram and Facebook and TikTok, and, technically, twitter and Pinterest and LinkedIn I'm everywhere, I'm everywhere. And technically, twitter and Pinterest and LinkedIn I'm everywhere, I'm everywhere. And if you love learning about how to use astrology in a practical way that helps promote more and more fulfillment in your life, and you're looking for more people like that, just like you, we would love to have you on in that witch school, which you can learn all about on my website.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you so much for being here today. Everyone go check out that witch school, right? That witch school? Yeah, I just want to make sure. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Saturn. So everyone, go check it out. Two of my favorite interviews were on that witch podcast, so go check those out too, because you know vanity and I mean they're good. Danny, thank you so much just for being a good friend, for for teaching me and holding up a mirror for me to see things that are difficult for me to look at, and thank you for being you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Daniel. Thank you for always giving me a space to learn from you and grow with you. I'm so, so happy and I'm always appreciative to be here with you. So thank you.
Speaker 1:Yay.
Speaker 2:Yay.