Timeless Spirituality
Timeless Spirituality, hosted by Daniel "The Past Life Regressionist," is a captivating podcast that explores the depths of spirituality and its connection to time. Join Daniel and his guests as they delve into past life regression, astrology, and the timeless essence of existence. With occasional humorous moments, this podcast offers profound insights, making it a unique blend of enlightening entertainment. Tune in to connect with your inner self and uncover the totality of who you are and who you've been throughout time.
IG:@thepastliferegressionist
Website: thepastliferegressionist.com
Timeless Spirituality
Ep. 92 - Somehow, I Made It Through: Stefania Rossi
In this episode, Stefania Rossi shares her struggles and the creation of an Instagram account meant to help others with their mental health. While we've made progress in mental health awareness, old prejudices still linger, especially among older generations. Stefania and Daniel discuss the power of conversation to reduce fear and the bravery needed to reveal our most vulnerable selves.
Stefania's insights offer hope to our listeners, reminding us that the light at the end of the tunnel is real and that we are never truly alone.
Stefania's bio:
Stefania is a mental health advocate and anxiety warrior! As someone who has experienced anxiety and OCD for the majority of her life, her main goal is to use her struggles to help others. Through her blog, she aims to break the stigma surrounding mental health and create a safe space for people to talk about their journey. You can find her at @dearmyanxiety on Instagram or at www.dearmyanxiety.com
Stefania, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:Hi, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:I broke my rhythm there, so I have this goober thing at the beginning. As for yeah, blah, blah, blah, so for everyone who's listening, as I was explaining it to Stef, I'm kind of like I'm nervous right now because I was talking with Stefania about how this is a new type of interview for me. So I'm like do I incorporate the original elements, do I not? And I'm yeah, so it's, it's cool, so I'm doing. Well, I think that was the question right.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, thank you. Sorry, I might've interrupted your, your beginning spiel there.
Speaker 1:It's my, my flows off, it's okay. I mean you know fish out of off, it's okay, I mean it. You know fish out of water, it's cool, All right. So thank you for being here today.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be here.
Speaker 1:Are you ready for the first official question?
Speaker 2:I am ready for the first official question. Send it my way.
Speaker 1:What is your favorite song about time and why?
Speaker 2:That is a good question. So I had to think about this one. Um, like, when you sent me that question, I had to think about it, because I was like, hmm, what songs are? Do I like that are about time? So then I started going through my playlist on Spotify and I mean it's also like I had to ask myself, like what does that even mean? Like, what does time even mean, really, because you can look at time as like aging, or you can look at it in like so many different ways.
Speaker 2:So there was a song that popped into my head by John Mayer, called stop this, stop this train.
Speaker 2:I'm not sure if you're familiar with it, um, and it's about he's just talking about how, like he's on this train and the train is basically life, and he's talking about getting older and how he doesn't want to get older.
Speaker 2:And he's talking to his parents who are like in in the song he talks to his dad, who's in his late 60s, and he's just saying, like I don't want, like life is passing me by, I'm on this train and life is going by so fast and I'm getting older, and that was the first song that I thought about. Yeah, it's a beautiful song, but I can definitely relate to it in the sense of I feel like I'm really getting, like getting older, because I feel like I'm still like 26, I'm in my 20s, right, so I'm still like young, but I just feel like with each year that passes, time is just going so quickly. It feels like just yesterday that I was in high school and then I have just memories of being in elementary school, being in kindergarten, and now I'm 26 years old, I'm an adult now. So it's pretty crazy how time flies like that.
Speaker 1:It's a great title.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you for all that.
Speaker 2:Of course.
Speaker 1:And I forgot to mention to you before we hit record also that I play a little game okay I'll guess the year. So I don't know if you're wondering why my hands went up, because that's what I mean, they were more fisted, because that I realized halfway through, like I didn't tell her about this, so that was. So, you see, that I wasn't typing anything in okay, okay, got it I'm not familiar with the song, so I'm going to try to narrow it down by asking which album was it on?
Speaker 2:Let me go look, it is Continuum, continuum.
Speaker 1:Continuum, continuum, that came. Oh, was Continuum the one in 2003, or was that 2006? What was the let me look continue. I was, that was 2000 what is your guess? Room for squares was his first album. I don't think continuum was his second album. I think it was his first album. I don't think Continuum was his second album. I think it was his third album. So if it was his third album, I'm going to say it was 2006 when that came out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're right. Yes, good job, I would not know that. Thank you, that's awesome. We'll listen to it after this.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah. There's some great songs on that album too. I don't know why I've never listened to that album start to finish.
Speaker 2:Oh, he's amazing.
Speaker 1:Waiting on the World to Change was on the reissue, I believe, of that album. I don't think it was on the standard the reissue, I believe, of that album.
Speaker 2:I don't think it was on this, the standard um. It's here on the I don't know because it's just giving me, like the, the continuum, continuum album, but it's saying that waiting, so that waiting on the world's change, is the first song on the on the list. But maybe you're right, maybe it was like the, the other one, oh no no, that I'm.
Speaker 1:I was wrong on that one. Yeah, that was the lead single. It was. I was thinking Fall, and that was one that was added his ukulele version of it. Oh, okay, okay, that's the album with Slow Dancing in a Burning Room.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's right. Such a great song. I love that song too, so good, okay, so before we go down that train, question what do I believe in? I believe in a lot of things, I think. When you ask that question, of course my mind goes to my belief in God. I am, I would never, I never really considered myself a quote-unquote religious person.
Speaker 2:I was more spiritual, like I really believed in the universe and you know, just like manifestation, all that, like stuff. I was really really like okay, this is like this, is it like we're? We're all like living in this on this planet, in this big universe, and we're all like energy. And I really believe and I still do believe that in in part. But I think lately I've become a little bit more religious and that came upon me after going through something really difficult in January. I basically had this just horrible mental breakdown and I ended up in the hospital and I was just going through it and through that I found that believing in something like God and Jesus and kind of going back because I was raised Catholic but never really resonated with it but kind of going back to that belief system, was really helpful for me.
Speaker 2:So I think I would say I don't like to label myself and say like I'm, you know, a Christian or I'm a Catholic, or I'm this or I'm that.
Speaker 2:I just like to say I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, which I know is a Christian belief, but I also don't have very rigid beliefs around that either.
Speaker 2:So, like you know a lot of people who are Christian I'm going off on a tangent here but but I also don't have very rigid beliefs around that either. So, like you know a lot of people who are Christian I'm going off on a tangent here but a lot of people who are Christian or Catholic, they really believe, like what the Bible says, and they believe in all like kind of the I don't want to say rules, but I guess like values to live by, and I think I have a lot of you know morals and values, of course, that are similar to those spoken about in the Bible and through the religion, but I don't really believe in all of it. So I think I just I have a very intimate, close relationship with God and I think that's personal between me and him and I don't think that you know all the rules and all of the things around it matter so much. If that makes sense, yeah well, thank you for that I love asking that question
Speaker 1:because, it is ambiguous and it is totally left up to the interpretation of whoever's answering it which I think is the beauty of a question like that? I don't think it should be. I don't think there has to be a certain well, does it have to fit into this box?
Speaker 2:Does it?
Speaker 1:have to be in this. Look, you could believe. I mean I was about to make a food analogy there, because that's usually what I do when I caught myself, but in a spirit of just a free flow. It could be like do you believe in frozen yogurt?
Speaker 2:Well.
Speaker 1:I do. But what does that mean? So I think that you know. You know what I mean Just the rigidity of everything.
Speaker 2:I had to, I think I strayed away from it because of the rigidity around it, because I didn't really like resonate with all of it, right? So I was like, okay, well, if I can't resonate with all of it, then I shouldn't identify as this, and then I kind of kept pushing it aside. So I think that it's good to just kind of like, you know, just believe in what you believe in and know that that's, you know, personal, personal to you, and it doesn't have to be like, yeah, I don't want to use the word rigid again, but it doesn't have to be like so strict, you know, yeah are you ready for the next question?
Speaker 1:I am who is stefania?
Speaker 2:another loaded question. You love asking the loaded questions. Yeah, it's okay, that's good. Um, who is stefania? Okay, actually, shockingly, someone asked me this the other day in a job interview that I had.
Speaker 2:Someone's like tell us, tell us who you are, and not from a professional standpoint, from like a personal standpoint, and I had to think about it for my for a second because I was like so quick to be like, okay, well, I'm 26. I took this in school. I'm passionate about this with work, like I started thinking like career wise, I was like, well, that's really not who I am. I'm a human being. So when they asked me that question, the first thing that came to my mind was I'm a daughter, I'm a sister, I'm a sister, I'm a friend, I'm an aunt, I'm a girlfriend and those are all areas of my life that I get to give my love to people who mean so much to me, and I think for me, that that's everything I would say. I'm very empathetic, I'm very caring, I'm very passionate and I'm a very sensitive soul, I feel, and not something that I used to look at as a bad thing, but now I'm starting to look at it as a blessing.
Speaker 1:So yeah, so my next question may not be quite as loaded Is that okay, yes, that's okay. Okay, we got the three loaded ones out of the way. Wait, was there three or two loaded ones?
Speaker 2:Well, the song about time was kind of loaded too.
Speaker 1:Okay, cool, we'll lump that in there. Why are you speaking out about mental health?
Speaker 2:Because I know what it's like to struggle. Anxiety and OCD and depression are all things that I've experienced from a very young age. I started experiencing all of those things at six or seven, so I was really young Like. The earliest memories I have of childhood are those of having anxiety at school and wanting to go home or feeling really emotional and, you know, just not wanting to talk to anyone. So a lot of my childhood memories are filled with that and I just I grew up with it. It was my norm.
Speaker 2:Struggling with my mental health was my norm for so many years and nobody really talked about it. We're starting to talk about it now more, which I'm so happy about. In the last few years. I want to say that you know, we've really made a lot of leeway in that, in kind of crushing the stigma surrounding mental health, but when I was growing up, it's still something wasn't something that we talked about very much and wasn't something that my parents knew how to navigate. So when I was struggling, I didn't really have anyone to go to, to talk to, and my friends, you know, it wasn't really something that they were necessarily open about if they were going through it.
Speaker 2:So in January of 2019, I started my Instagram account and I really just started it because I had a feeling that there was probably a lot of people out there who were going through something similar to what I was going through when I was growing up, who don't have that outlet to talk to, who don't know what's going on inside, who feel lost, who feel scared, and I felt like it was my duty, as someone who has gone through it and learned coping skills, to manage it, to then help other people manage it as well and to validate them and to help give them a support system. So that's really why I started my account and that's why I speak about mental health so openly Because, yeah, I know how hard it is and I think we need to have more conversations. And when I started my accounts, there were so many people who reached out to me that I knew in my personal life who never you know, you would have never guessed they were struggling with depression. They were struggling with anxiety. Never guess they were struggling with depression. They were struggling with anxiety.
Speaker 2:But because that I told my story and I was open, then they felt safe enough to come to me and say I'm struggling with this as well, and so that was really the light bulb moment for me, when people started reaching out and saying like, oh my God, thank you for sharing this, because I was like I would have never guessed, because, you don't know, when someone's struggling, right, it's really, it's like Penn being an invisible illness, and so, yeah, that really to me was something special, and that's why I continue every single day to speak about mental health.
Speaker 1:So there was something you brought up a few minutes ago, in January of this year. As we're recording this in the summer of 2023, you said you had a I want to make sure I'm quoting you right on this a mental breakdown yes when you mentioned that well one, I was naturally curious and okay, this is the perfect place to talk about that.
Speaker 1:So I want to get there. The next feeling I had was admiration for you and respect for having the courage to say that. And then there is that part of me I'm 37. So we're not vastly different in age, but even as I am approaching 40, it's shocking to me now how, looking at the quote unquote younger generation how it's cool to go to therapy, how people openly talk about yeah, I talked about this with my therapist, I did this, I did this about this with my therapist. I did this, I did this. I've been in therapy since I was dabbling at 13, but then really from 14 on, and I'll never forget the day when I was sitting in the waiting room at my therapist's office and I used to see him in the evening and I watched someone else I knew walk by the office and walk into, and it was outside of a glass door, so they were on the outs, you know, because in California open air stuff yeah, yeah yeah, uh, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:So for reference, stefania lives in Canada so yeah, sometimes I just I forget that the world doesn't work the way that we do and I saw this guy walk by with his family into another therapist's office and I was terrified.
Speaker 1:I was like, oh my god, he, he saw me. What if he tells people that he saw me at therapy? And that really was how it was at the time? It wasn't something you openly talked about. The other part that I felt when you brought that up was I cringed a bit because of thinking about not so much my generation, but maybe the older generations and the stigma that that term still carries with it and the stigma that that term still carries with it. And so the cringe came with. Oh my God, here's this person who is doing this courageous thing right now, just saying yeah, I had this thing happen. And then I'm sitting there worried, thinking is this going to affect her potential career?
Speaker 1:Because, what if one of these employers hears that she had a mental breakdown? And they are still of that mindset that, oh, we don't want to hire someone who has mental health issues, and so on and so forth. So I just need to be very clear, above and beyond and above all everything else. I just have tremendous respect and admiration for you having the courage to say that. So what comes up from all of that jumbled mess?
Speaker 2:Well, first of all, thank you for expressing your admiration and respect. It means a lot to me and I definitely relate to that in the sense of you know, when you mentioned the older generation, because my parents are a perfect example of that. My parents were both struggled with mental health issues growing up, yet did not seek any care because it was very like hush hush, like they weren't allowed to talk about it. They just it was something they like just pushed away to the side. And I think that that a lot of people from that generation did that and that inevitably affected the generations after them. Because if you're struggling with your mental health and then you don't do anything about it and then you have kids, you're not always, but sometimes more than likely, to pass some of that on to your children, intentionally, unintentionally, whatever. So I think that that's kind of what happened, without saying like I blame my parents, because I don't Just unintentionally some of that anxiety and some of that fear that was radiating off of my parents, it bled onto me and I think that if that generation kind of did a little bit more work, but it's not their fault, it was just because of the time that they grew up in generations would be, would have been kind of better off. But also, you know it, it was. It's all a learning experience for all of us. We're all living life's, learning and experiencing it.
Speaker 2:And so, yeah, no, I I definitely have had that fear before of speaking out what people will think. What you know potentially a future employer might think, what you know, people I know from the community might think. And for me, I think the most important thing that I just keep reminding myself of is, like, everyone, at the end of the day, is a human being and we all struggle in some capacity, some more than others, some with different things, some capacity, some more than others, some with different things. And I can almost guarantee that any person, any given person, who sees my content, has at some point in their life experienced feelings of anxiety or been in a situation where they felt helpless or, you know, struggled with something that happened. So I feel like I just speak to being a human being and what it's like to go through life, and I think people just need to be more accepting of that and I think we are moving in the right direction with that.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I just, in other words, I just kind of like don't care if people think negatively about me, because I know that I'm doing something good and that's what matters the most one, or maybe not one, but just the fear of what happens if I speak out Because I don't want to say you're an exception to the rule, because of course, there are people out there who have made accounts and made a message based off of that. So, but if you look at the population of the planet, it's still a very relatively small number. And even for me personally, I have the fear of if I'm vulnerable on the podcast, if I express my fears or any doubts that I may have. Am I going to lose business as a result of that? Because people may only want to be with the person who walks out there, always holding their head high, even if they're full of shit. So what would you say to those people who and I also don't want anyone to feel bad?
Speaker 1:if they haven't stepped into that Because I get it, I'm sure you get it Absolutely, because it is important to talk about these things. I mean, that's why I wanted to do this little mini series is because I think it's really important just to talk about it. So you have the floor.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, and I get that can be hard, really, really hard to be vulnerable and I don't look at people who choose not to share their struggles or talk about it in a negative way at all, because I do understand that it's. It can be really challenging and maybe they're just not there yet, maybe they're not at that place in their life where they're ready to be open and honest, and that's too, um. But I think I would just say like authenticity is to me, the most important thing. I think whenever I do get that fear, like okay, I'm about to say something and it's a little bit like, you know, it's a little bit like I'm putting a lot out there, I'm getting a lot of my personal life right now I sometimes do get that feeling where I'm like oh, oh, no, like, what about if someone thinks something? You know, from time to time I mean, I've been sharing a lot about my life for a long time now on social media, so now I really don't get that feeling as much. But you know, there is still that kind of like one-off where I'll share something and it's like really, really personal and I'm like oh, like who's going to see this?
Speaker 2:But for me, I think just being authentic in my own feelings is the most important thing.
Speaker 2:So I think I would just say to people like you know, be yourself, be authentic, and if you lose people as a result of that, then I don't think that those are really your people and I feel like the right people will come into your life who support you and to support your message and who go through that, have gone through the same things as you.
Speaker 2:Because I think that, yeah, like I said, authenticity is the most important thing and people can really feel that when you're being authentic, when you're being genuine, when you're being sincere, when you're putting stuff out there that really translates to people, people really feel that sincerity. That's just been my experience at least. So I would say to you is, if you're scared of of you know, saying certain things and being vulnerable, because you know who knows you might say something and then piss someone off or someone might be like, oh, I'm not ready to hear that know that maybe that's just because that person's not at that stage in their life. They're not ready yet, and so if you lose that person right now, that's okay, because more people will come that align with you and your message and what you have to put out there thank you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I keep trying to remind myself of that every day because, like, I say things to piss people off all the time some things I couldn't give two shits about, like whatever, bye don't let the door, kick you on the way out. But then they're the other ones where it's like yeah, of course did I really need to say that? But yeah, so I. I hear what you're saying, though, and it almost seems like it's a matter of trust or trust or do I dare even use the word faith?
Speaker 1:faith yes what comes up for you there trusting yourself just trusting yourself. Faith is. I, like you know, I don't know what to say you know it's a guinea pig session.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, no, I think trusting yourself is really important and I think, just yeah, having faith in that, that the right people will find you and find your message. When you're putting out something that's meaningful to you, you know, I trust that. I trust that it's reaching the right people and the people who need it and need to hear the message. So, yeah, Suicide.
Speaker 1:Has it ever been part of the equation, ever thought about it, attempted? Or is that just something that has never fallen on your radar?
Speaker 2:fall on your radar? I've never. There's a difference between being suicidal and then having suicidal ideation. So suicidal ideation is essentially just kind of having thoughts of suicide, but not actually knowing that you don't actually want to go through with it, but kind of having the thought in your head. So I would say I've never been suicidal to the point where I said I'm going to do this, I'm going to, you know, go through with it. But I have had thoughts suicidal ideation for sure before, and that was in January when I went through everything, and that's why I'll get into that a little bit about what I went through.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I definitely had those thoughts. I didn't want to go through with it because I knew in my heart that and it wasn't that I didn't want to be alive, it was just that I didn't want to keep feeling the pain that I was feeling. So for me, I just kind of you know, I thought of it in my head but I was like, oh, I don't really like I feel like I can. I got to keep pushing through, like I don't want this to be my end result. So, yeah, definitely have had experience with it but but didn't want to go through with it, which I'm very grateful for.
Speaker 1:I'm glad you didn't either.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Before we jump into your experience in January, I just want to point out again to everyone that we're recording this in August of 2023. So January was eight months ago. So I just want everyone to keep that in mind as they're listening to your story, and where you were eight months ago, you have the floor.
Speaker 2:Big difference, night and day, really, from where I was in January. So, like I said before, mental health is something that I always struggled with anxiety, depression, all that fun stuff since I was a little kid and I've gone through ebbs and flows with it. So sometimes you know it's manageable, sometimes it's less manageable. And then I think in January what happened was is I was. I got in a place in my life where I think I was a little bit too. I just wasn't doing my due diligence to take care of myself. I wasn't taking care of my physical health, I wasn't taking care of my mental health. I stopped going to therapy. I kind of just like lost track with taking care of my mental health. I kind of just like lost track with taking care of my, my mental health and, as someone who struggles with anxiety every day and mental health issues every day, like it's something that for me, I need to pay close attention to. I can't kind of just let it run its run its uh track or whatever on its own, like I feel like it's something I need to pay attention to. And I wasn't. And so I got to this place where I was just really, really anxious every single day, to the point where it was just so debilitating, really depressed, crying every single day, and I kept and I was experiencing this for months leading up to January and I wasn't doing anything. I don't know why, but I just wasn't doing anything. I wasn't motivated to do anything, I was just like this is just how I feel and I was accepting it, and I think that's part of you know, mental illness as well as, like people who struggle, sometimes they don't even have the strength to help themselves, and so that was kind of the place that I was in. And then in January, it all just hit me so hard and it started with me actually getting really sick. I had a flu. That was really, really bad, and I have I struggle with health anxiety. So when I got really sick, I got really worried and I'm like, oh no, like this is a really bad, really bad sickness, like I feel so horrible, maybe I need to go to the hospital, started, like you know, going through it, spiraling.
Speaker 2:And then I remember I didn't sleep for a couple of nights when I was sick, which is pretty standard when you're sick, it's hard to get a good night's sleep and then when I finally got better. I was like, okay, I'm so excited I can just go to sleep, I can rest, whatever. But I didn't sleep for another night. And then I didn't sleep for another night. And then there was like a 48 or like three or four day period when I didn't sleep at all for like not even one hour. I was up like three, four days straight and I felt like I was losing it. I'm like I don't know if you've ever not slept for that long. The average person doesn't. The average person doesn't know what that's like, but it's really scary.
Speaker 2:And I, my anxiety was just through the roof and I started to just get really bad sleep anxiety, because then I wasn't sleeping and then I was scared of not sleeping and then I was scared I was going to go crazy. I was scared all this stuff was going to happen to me because I wasn't sleeping and then that was making me not sleep even more. So basically, I just kind of like started. Everything inside of me just started kind of breaking down and I really just felt like I was losing complete control over my mental and physical health and I ended up going to the hospital on like the fourth day of not sleeping. I ended up going to the ER and I was like I don't know what to do. I just feel like a mess. And the doctor gave me a sleeping pill and he's like, okay, take these sleeping pills for a few nights, but then go to your family doctor and discuss options like see what's going to work for you and what's you know what you can do to help yourself. So I, you know, took the sleeping pills, whatever, got a few nights of iffy sleep still not through the night, but a little bit more sleep, which I was grateful for.
Speaker 2:Then I went to my doctor on the Monday and I was telling her I remember just like bawling my eyes out and saying like I haven't felt like myself in months and I've been ignoring it and now I feel like I'm falling apart, I don't know what to do. And she said to me you know, first of all, you're going to get through this. And I'm so grateful she was so reassuring because I know a lot of doctors are not necessarily as empathetic as they should be when it comes to mental health. She said, firstly, you're going to get through this, we're going to find a solution. We're going to maybe have to do some trial and error to find a solution, but we're going to find a solution.
Speaker 2:So she wanted to start me on medication and that was something that I was really hesitant about, just because I'd heard some stories about people being on medication and it being kind of a negative experience for them, and also I think that I had some internalized stigma as well about medication, thinking that, you know, if I take this medication, then it means that I'm relying on something and it's just a bandaid or or you know all the things that people kind of say about it. And so I said to her like, okay, I'll take the prescription, but I don't know if I'm going to take this medication. I'll think about it. And then she set me up with a psychiatrist and then gave me a few resources of, you know, peer support groups that I can go to people, that I can talk to a therapist, who was a little bit more affordable for me at the time and yeah. So she kind of set me with all that, and the next two weeks after that were really, really difficult.
Speaker 2:I just felt so lost I kind of. You know I got to this point where I stopped really eating very much, so I lost 20 pounds. During that time I wasn't really sleeping very well either. I kind of started to isolate myself Like my friends who are messaging me. I wasn't answering their phone calls, I wasn't answering their text messages. My boyfriend I didn't want to see. My boyfriend I didn't want to see, like all these people in my life, because I just felt like I was in such a hopeless place and I literally felt like it was.
Speaker 2:I was in survival mode. This is like a matter of survival. I wake up every single day and I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to get through this day, and that's it. I could not think about tomorrow or the day after. It's like I'm waking up this morning and like how can I get from 8am, when I wake up, to 10 o'clock when I go to bed, like how can I make it through that period of time?
Speaker 2:And so then, eventually, because it got to such a point that I was just so debilitated by the anxiety, I decided to end up taking the medication and that gave me more ability, more of an ability to do other things that were going to help me with my mental health, because it really neutralized me and brought me to kind of this, this point where I was like, okay, I can now go out and do other things that help me, because before I couldn't, I was so debilitated.
Speaker 2:So I'm very grateful that I made that decision. I know that's's, you know, controversial for some, even though you know shouldn't be, because you got to do what's best for you and you got to do what you think the best thing is for your own treatment. But yeah, and then I just really, during that time, found the connection to myself again, to how important my mental health is, to how important my physical health is, to how important my faith is, and I went on this healing journey and now here I am, in August, doing amazing, having learned so many things from my experience and feeling like I'm in just a really, really good place. So I'm very grateful.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sharing all that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I could feel it when you said it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about the faith component.
Speaker 2:How did that help you out of it? I think believing in something greater than me made me feel like I'm part of a bigger plan and that I'm supported and guided. And for me that's you know, god. For other people it's the universe. For some people it's depending on your religion, you know, or your faith, or whatever you believe in, it's going to be different. Your faith, or whatever you believe in, it's going to be different.
Speaker 2:Believing in God for me made me feel like I wasn't alone, that there was someone out there who you know, really, really just was helping, guide me through the entire thing.
Speaker 2:And knowing that there's, you know, a bigger plan for me out there, and I felt that that the whole time I just lost it a little bit. I lost touch with it, my purpose, why I'm here, and I think I just really got reminded of that during that time. And praying really helped too. Praying was something that really allowed me to express how I was feeling and sometimes, I think during that time, it was really hard for me to really articulate what I was going through, but when I prayed, it kind of it just like flew out of me, like it just came out of me when I would pray to God. I was able to just tell him how I was feeling and I felt that every day that passed, I started to get a little bit better and I started to feel a little bit more like myself. The more that I was praying, the more that I was working on myself, I felt like he gave me strength and, yeah, I think that's a little bit about how faith played a really important role in my healing.
Speaker 1:Now, as you look back on the experience, do you understand what you were going through?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:You mind talking about that a little bit.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I think, yeah, when you're in something, it's really hard to understand and then when you look back, you can understand better. For me, I believe that everything happens for a reason. That's my mentality. I know not everyone resonates with that. I believe that things happen to teach us. Things teach us lessons to bring us to different places in our lives, for growth or even to develop faith.
Speaker 2:So I look back on what happened to me and I think I believe that what happened to me happened so that I could get to where I am today, because if I hadn't gone through that, I think I would have stayed in a place that was very much just kind of like getting through each day, because that's what I was doing for so long.
Speaker 2:And after going through that, now I realize how much more there is to life and how I can actually live life way more optimally than I ever did before about the people that are surround me, about my relationship with my parents, about my relationship with my partner, just everything. It just taught me so many different lessons in absolutely every area of my life, and so ultimately, I'm very grateful for it and I know that that can be hard for some people to say or even to hear, because it's like I'm telling you, like I was, like you know, having suicidal thoughts and I was in the darkest place in my life, and you know having suicidal thoughts and I was in the darkest place in my life and you know, I was just trying to survive and then hearing me say I'm very grateful for it. It's like it could be confusing for people to hear that but really it did bring me such a higher place and so I'm, I'm forever grateful for it.
Speaker 1:I get it. I get what you're saying.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:For me personally. In my experience, it's not something I would wish upon anyone.
Speaker 2:No, of course, Of course.
Speaker 1:But I'm grateful that I went through the experience because I think it helps alter the trajectory of my life and it forced me to slow down a lot and actually find what I was good, or find what I was good at, find some purpose in life and like I just I hope I never go through anything like that again yeah, no and I agree like it was.
Speaker 1:It was bad, but there is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel and, even though I couldn't really see it at the time, somehow I knew I just I could feel it and I think that was enough for me, because I'm also someone who, especially at the time, I needed to know, I needed factual proof that everything was going to be okay, and no one could present me with factual proof.
Speaker 1:But it was just that feeling inside, and I think there's that word faith, and I'm not someone who's religious and I don't think faith necessarily needs to have a religious connotation. I think it's something you can have, even as I mean maybe even an atheist. I think it's possible for an atheist to have faith, and that there is nothing out there. Actually. Yeah, that does make sense. Yeah, so I just I hope that that word doesn't scare anyone away and I think you can find a way to mold faith into whatever your belief system is, into shape it in a way that will help you live a fulfilling life absolutely I agree, and I and I agree as well.
Speaker 2:that's that is something I never want to go through again, because it really did suck a lot, but it did teach me that I can get through really hard times. So if I ever do go through something hard again, I know I got through that and I can get through anything that comes my way.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm glad you made it.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I think.
Speaker 1:I said that already, but I don't care if I'm repeating myself for that one.
Speaker 2:I love to hear it.
Speaker 1:Do you have any final thoughts for anyone? I'm sorry, anyone, everyone. I'm just all over the place.
Speaker 2:No, no, no. You're great, you're doing great. Final thoughts I would say just you know, if you're struggling and going through a hard time I know it can be really, really hard and I don't know everyone's personal situation, but I just want you to know that you're not alone and that you know there's nothing wrong with you and that there's people out there in this world who have gone through the same thing or going through the same thing.
Speaker 1:So you're not alone and don't give up and don't lose hope because, as hopeless as things may feel, like you said, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Well, I just want to thank you so much for being here today and for sharing your story.
Speaker 2:Of course.
Speaker 1:I know I said it before and I'll say it again I could feel it, and I'm sure there are people who are listening to this right now who can feel it too, and I just I admire and respect you having the courage to speak the way that you're speaking. So thank you so much for coming on. Thank, you. Where can everyone reach you?
Speaker 2:So you can reach me at DearMyAnxiety on Instagram, and I also just recently created a website, so you can find me at DearMyAnxietycom as well.
Speaker 1:I'd love to have you back on again. We'll find a different topic.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:There's more we could talk about in this, but just thank you, and thank you for being out there in the world.
Speaker 2:Of course. Thank you so much, it was a pleasure.
Speaker 1:Yay.