Timeless Spirituality
Timeless Spirituality, hosted by Daniel "The Past Life Regressionist," is a captivating podcast that explores the depths of spirituality and its connection to time. Join Daniel and his guests as they delve into past life regression, astrology, and the timeless essence of existence. With occasional humorous moments, this podcast offers profound insights, making it a unique blend of enlightening entertainment. Tune in to connect with your inner self and uncover the totality of who you are and who you've been throughout time.
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Website: thepastliferegressionist.com
Timeless Spirituality
Ep. 97 - The Catalyst: For Anthony (ft. Monica Delgadillo)
Have you ever faced a loss that challenged you deeply? Monica Delgadillo's story of coping with the sudden death of her fiancé takes us through her journey of dealing with grief and searching for meaning. Monica also discusses her hopes for signs from her deceased fiancé, seeking comfort and understanding in her sorrow.
The impact of a single person can be profound, as Monica's relationship with Anthony shows. Anthony's influence shifted her focus from financial success to valuing family and personal well-being. Through touching memories of Anthony’s selflessness, Monica illustrates how he inspired her to appreciate her loved ones more deeply.
https://www.thepastliferegressionist.com
Monica, thank you for coming up. Let me try that again. I got to match the tone of the episode. Monica, thank you for being here on time with spirituality today.
Speaker 2:I got to match it too. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I'm so used to doing my like yay, but Well, we can do that too.
Speaker 2:I mean I'm so used to doing my like yay, but well, we can do that too.
Speaker 1:I mean, I mean, we could, but maybe we should. No, no, that was good.
Speaker 2:I'll stick with that for right now.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, with that, that somber introduction. I'm just going to shift back to my normal persona right now, for are you ready for the first question? Okay, that was a little over the top, but are you ready for the first question? That's better.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, all right yeah.
Speaker 1:As my hands are going up for this one. What is your favorite song about time and why?
Speaker 2:your favorite song about time and why. So that's Walk by the Foo Fighters and well, it's not really like time but it's, you know, about going through something. So that's why I like it, because it feels like it resonates with me and having to start over again with my grief and then my divorce, before now meeting my fiance, so that I just it gets me right in the feels. Do you know that song?
Speaker 1:I love the Foo Fighters and for walk. I was a Foo Fighters fan, predominantly before 2010. And then I, I kind of okay, this is 2011. So I was going to say 2011, because it was on the same one that had rope right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a good song. It's a good song.
Speaker 1:I just remember seeing it on the charts. I don't know what happened. I just I kind of was, I listened to, cause I think rope was the lead single from that album.
Speaker 2:You got to go beyond. You know the the.
Speaker 1:I really should go back to it, cause I don't know. At that point I was just like ah, I'm just not feeling it anymore. I mean, I love the Foo Fighters. You got to listen to it cause that song.
Speaker 2:When I divorced my ex husband I don't know how many four or five years ago that song was like my song through the divorce pain and with Anthony dying, that was my also grief song, so it's a good song.
Speaker 1:I'll check it out. Walk Foo Fighters 2011. I mean, I swear to you that's what I was going to say. I will look right at the camera right now and say that I swear to you fingers crossed. I mean, I swear to you that's what I was going to say. I will look right at the camera right now and say that I swear to you fingers crossed, I mean one at a time.
Speaker 1:That means you're lying One of them. I swear to you I was going to say 2011. My second guess was going to be 2013, but I was feeling 2011.
Speaker 2:It was.
Speaker 1:Are you ready for the second, most difficult question that I'm going to ask you today? Yes, what do you believe in?
Speaker 2:Spiritually or like religion, wise or specific.
Speaker 1:My hands up are in the air for this one too.
Speaker 2:I guess I'm more spiritual. I don't know what I fully believe in. I believe that there's something after this, but I don't know that I believe there's a heaven and hell and you know, just black and white. I think there's something after this life, but I'm not sure what it is. I think maybe reincarnation, like we've spoken before, and that scares the shit out of me. I'm sorry. Yeah, so I think probably that is why I'm still here too gotta write down a question to cover with you later.
Speaker 1:Right now, are you ready for the most difficult question I'm gonna ask you today?
Speaker 2:I have that okay who is Monica? Oh, oh, that is a hard one. Oh, you really stumped me in this one. Monica's a mom, a friend, sister. I think I'm a caring person. Oh, that's a hard one. I don't really know how to view myself from an outside perspective. I feel I have a lot of flaws, so it's hard to see myself in a positive light. I identify myself mostly as a daughter, sister and mom. So I'm working on the individual side of Monica.
Speaker 1:So I think what you're saying is you're human. Yes, it just yeah. It just feels like more people have it together, but you're human.
Speaker 2:Yes, it just yeah. It just feels like more people have it together, but you never know there's people can fake it really well, I'm still trying to figure it out.
Speaker 1:One of the messages that came to me through a recent one of my own communications with the higher self through regression, was my higher self basically said to me you are so wise, but you are such a child when it comes to being a human. Yeah, you have so much to figure out. Yeah, that's, that's, that's pretty accurate.
Speaker 2:It's pretty, pretty, damn accurate yeah, I yeah because I um, I feel like when I was younger, I had a more careless view on the world, which I think a lot of people can agree with that, um. But now that I'm older, even when somebody does something wrong to me, I can't hate the person. I'm just like okay, they're, you know, they're human. They're probably going through their own things. This is, their actions are a result of something else in their life which is really annoying. When I really want to hate somebody, cause I'm like I want to hate you cause you're being a dick to me, but it feels like there's more meaning to it than just this life and that's why I believe you know reincarnation and there being something more believe you know, reincarnation and there being something more.
Speaker 1:Why can't the two simultaneously exist, though I mean I I mean I'm not an advocate of of hate or hating anyone. If someone does something really shitty, can we acknowledge that they're human, having their own flawed human experience, that they're learning their human lessons? Oh, of course, While I was just saying like man, that sucked, You're a real piece of shit.
Speaker 2:I can do that but I don't hold resentment Like it's a lot of work to feel that way towards somebody for a long time, like even the person that was responsible for Anthony's death. I hate her, but I don't like her. Like I don't want a relationship with her, but I don't like her. Like I don't want a relationship with her but I'm not wishing her ill, like I just want her to be responsible for what she did. But I'm not like, oh, I'm going to, if I see you on the street I'm gonna punch you. Like no, I just don't want to see you, but you can, you know, do your thing.
Speaker 1:That sounds fair to me and even as you were talking right there, I mean sorry to kind of see myself in that situation of maybe this is what my higher self was referring to when they said I was a child. Because I'm like, yeah, a child holds on to resentment when someone is wrong.
Speaker 2:I got a lot to work on still.
Speaker 2:I try to not hold on to things I can't change, and that kind of helped me with Anthony's passing, that I can't change, that he's dead. So me just I mean I did let myself cry a lot, but it helped in the long run get me to where I am now is that I can't change it. So there's no point in me constantly replaying what happened, constantly going to the what ifs. I think it's like a mindset too. You have to work on it. I still struggle with it. I still have days where I just lay in bed and cry, but they're farther in between.
Speaker 1:So before we get to that, I want to talk about.
Speaker 2:Anthony a little bit.
Speaker 1:Well, let me rephrase that I want you to talk about Anthony Well let me rephrase that I want you to talk about Anthony.
Speaker 2:Who was he? Oh, you're gonna make me cry in this part. He was so he died at 32. He had joined the Marine Corps and he was really proud of that. He was born a big bear but he was raised all his life in Wisconsin. So he was he called himself a redneck. He loved to shoot guns, he loved to do things with his hands.
Speaker 2:He was very helpful and very, you know, attentive to everybody around him. If we would drive somewhere and there was somebody pulled over on the road, you know, with their blinkers on, he had to pull over and make sure that they were okay and I would get so annoyed because I'm like, bro, we're going to like a movie or something, we have to be there on time and he would have to pull over. With that said, he was a nurse too. He had actually got his. He was at LVN, he had gotten his license a year before he died. He was just a really awesome person. He was a dad to two boys and a stepdad to my two kids, so together we had four. So you can imagine our house was chaos. He was just a really good partner, very supportive and everything I did and just a really amazing man. I didn't plan to cry.
Speaker 1:How'd you guys meet? We met on.
Speaker 2:Mumble, it was actually the last week of December 2020. We matched on there and I remember I was talking to him and another guy the other guy didn't have kids and Anthony did so I felt more of a connection with him because he knew the parenting woes. After a week of talking, we decided to meet up and we met up January 1st 2021. We had planned to go to, like this fancy restaurant not thinking that it was January 1st, so it's new year's year's day, so everything was closed. So our fancy day ended up turning into going to like uh, what is it? The like? One of those burger places, like the habit or something. And we just got our burgers and we ate in the back of his car and just talked for I don't know how long and at the end of the close, to the end of the day, we were just having such a good time, it was just so natural.
Speaker 2:And he goes I know this is crazy. He's like but will you be my girlfriend? And I was like dude, I just met you. I was like, uh, and I was like okay, I'll be your girlfriend. And uh, yeah, that's our anniversary One one, 21.
Speaker 1:You were saying that and you told me. I'm sorry, but I was just thinking. Man, he must've been really bad with remembering dates and milestones.
Speaker 2:He's like let's make this easy.
Speaker 1:I'll never forget what do you guys talk about while you're eating burgers on January 1st 2021?
Speaker 2:I don't remember exactly. I just remember there was a lot of laughing and you know giddiness to be with each other and we held hands, just walked around because there was nothing to do. I just remember it feeling so nice. I mean it must have felt nice if I said, yeah, I'll be your girlfriend after meeting him one time. Yeah, I mean?
Speaker 1:mean it was probably for other than easy remembrance of the milestone. You weren't at a fancy restaurant, so I'm I may have been assumed right now that you guys were sober because we were yes, yes so you were thinking clearly yes, things working in your favors I yeah.
Speaker 2:So, that's cool. Yeah, I don't regret it. I think I feel like in a. I don't know if I believe in pain and stuff, but I don't know. That's confusing to me, but I think it all worked out how it was supposed to be, because we moved so fast in our relationship but he died, you know, early on. So I think it was good that we did a lot of the things that maybe would have taken another couple months or years to do, that we got out of the way early on.
Speaker 1:So me being a firm believer in reincarnation and the afterlife, while he's not here right now and the afterlife while he's not here right now, I still like to think that he is, he's still, he's still around. That's my firm belief. So the way I want to phrase this next question is with that belief in mind.
Speaker 2:So, while he was in the body, what is the greatest lesson you learned from him? His view on the world. He had a rough childhood. There was abuse and sexual abuse in his life and through all that he still found something to be happy about. He was always so positive with everybody he met, his nursing, he would love to tell me about his patients and you know how he was encouraging them and he just taught me. You know, there's there's always something good, there's always. You can always find the good, because I'm kind of a cynical person like my, my life motto and my family gets annoyed because my life model is life sucks and then you die, so which I still sort of you know's still, but I don't think it has to suck all the time. There's sucky things, of course, but he showed me that I can have a positive outlook on life.
Speaker 1:I mean, doesn't, I hate to say, doesn't his death kind of disprove your motto there that life was great? Sorry, I'm saying it. Do you know what I?
Speaker 2:viewed right that you guys think the same thing but.
Speaker 2:I think by that same token. I'm like if somebody as amazing as him existed in this world, you know there's there's got to be more people like him, and his death brought me new friends into my life and different connections. When he was alive I focused a lot of my like 98% of my time to him and the kids, and he would always tell me like you need to go out, you need to do stuff for yourself, not just for me. So it took a while, but in a way it's like he gave me, you know, friends, he gave me new connections, he gave me this outlook on life, because even with him I didn't feel this way fully. You know, I still could have been my old mindset, even though I was happy with him, but it just I can't imagine that there's somebody as good as him, is only one. You know there has to be more people like him in this world. He's not, he can't be the only one, and if he existed, this world can't be so shitty.
Speaker 1:How's it feel to say that?
Speaker 2:Good.
Speaker 1:And I hope what I said before wasn't too.
Speaker 2:No, because I thought about that myself. But I'm like, okay, he existed, he came into my life and he made me better. So he's gone, but the lessons he gave me and the experiences are still with me. So he's still part of me and I still have his boys in my life. So you know, it's got a little piece of him there.
Speaker 1:I think that's so sweet and amazing that they're still around for you and vice versa.
Speaker 2:Thankfully, his mom and I made amends and we I get them every other weekend, so I still have them a lot.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about life on the other side. Let's talk about life on the other side, as I believe he's still here, but just somewhere else. What changed for you in that time? What served as the catalyst for you to look at the world in a different way with his transition?
Speaker 2:well, for the first month I was very suicidal. I wanted to just end it and I started looking into, you know, googling, like what happens after you die, like is there more? Like that's when I became interested in you know what happens after, and I know we had our session too. So I was like, okay, if I'm supposed to learn a lesson in this lifetime and that lesson involves my fiance dying the person that I love the most if I kill myself, I'm going to come back and have to learn this lesson again. So I'm like, okay, I'm not going to do that. I have to stick the shit out. So that was kind of like I'm not, and so I guess I do believe more in it than I even admit to myself. But yeah, it was. I don't want to do this again. I want to learn the lesson and just move on. Somebody that's miserable, two, three, four, five years down the line of you know their partner dying. So that was the reason mainly.
Speaker 1:I remember one of the things that I found very admirable was I think we had the session. I want to say it was. Was it a little over two months after it happened? Yeah, because you died October 21st. Yes, a little over two months. Look, while I'm someone who feels that everyone has their own way of going through grief and processing grief, if they need to go jump off of a pier in order to feel alive in that moment not what I would do, but as long as they're okay, more power to you. So I just don't think that there is a right way or wrong way, because I really think it is tailored to the individual. But I remember what I found very admirable was that you were embarking on this journey of understanding at that point where there were many things that you could have done, but you decided to do a little exploration. Yeah, what was that process like for you making that decision at that time to do that instead of other things you could have done at the time?
Speaker 2:I was always of the mindset, like I said earlier, that I don't want to dwell on things I can't change. So he died on a Friday. Mondays were our couple's counseling or therapy sessions, and it wasn't because we had issues, but we were going to get married in February and we said, okay, if we're going to get married, we have to make sure that we have the best ways to communicate with each other and if we have disagreements, we're going to, you know, figure them out in the in a positive, healthy ways to give this marriage, you know, the best shot of working out. So he died on Friday and I think the day after I messaged my therapist and I said, hey, anthony's dead. Can we switch Monday to an individual therapy instead of couples therapy? And obviously she was like, oh, I just told her he died.
Speaker 2:And it was just I wanted to understand what I was feeling. I'm kind of of a if I let myself just fully go, then it can be very chaotic. And I didn't want to do that because I have kids, and I have four in total, with his kids and my kids, and I have responsible. I'm an adult. I can't just, you know, let everything go and then lose my house, lose my car, lose everything. So I wanted to understand, and I was also hoping to get some comfort in knowing what happened to him. Where did he go? Is he okay? Is he here with me? Can he hear me? Can he still see me? You know type of thing, and I've sort of gained some. But I still, you know, sit here and ask him like give me a damn sign, like show me you're still with me. So that's, that's pretty much what did it for me you mentioned before that.
Speaker 1:Why does reincarnation scare the shit out of you?
Speaker 2:because just imagining going through this again I don't want to, I would. I can't picture myself the first few months like, if I try to go back to that, it's like my brain blocks it, like, like it doesn't want to go there Like revisiting the first days, the first, you know, two months after he died. It's just it's. It's something that if I let myself go into that, it's just a really dark place and I can't imagine myself going through that again. I just be the worst thing. And also like can we just go to heaven and be happy, like just give me flowers and rainbows or something Like I just just let me be at peace.
Speaker 1:I mean maybe that happens in between. I mean I, I personally believe in, in the concept of heaven and that maybe it's like the vacation time.
Speaker 2:That would be nice. I'm like I always talk to Anthony's picture. I'm like you better fucking be waiting for me. Asshole, like you better be there.
Speaker 1:So you said you're afraid that you would have to do this again. When you say this, do you mean having to go through this type of loss again? Is that what you're referring to?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:How does that factor in to reincarnation? Scaring the shit out of you. Why is that where your, your mind goes when it comes to the component of reincarnation?
Speaker 2:So it went to that because I was suicidal and I wanted to end my life, um, but that's what stopped me is that I thought, like if I you know, obviously I have kids and stuff but I thought, if I have to go through this again, like that's, that's scary as fuck, like I don't want to do this twice, I don't know, it's more reincarnation itself, but it's if I reincarnate after I kill myself, that's the scariest part. I'm like what worst tragedy am I going to go through? And like is my fiance and my kids going to die next? Like no, thank you.
Speaker 1:I'm good. Do we want to keep this in preschool right now, or do we want to go to the second grade? I'm going to leave this one up to you.
Speaker 2:We can try the second grade.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm going to try to keep it in the second grade right now For me personally. I've seen many lives where I have lost my family in pretty horrific ways. It hasn't been pretty, I'll put it that way. And, as I talked about in another episode in this series, as we're recording this today, on December 10th 2023, right now I'm not married, I don't have kids, I don't have any pets, because I'm terrified of loss. I have such a debilitating fear of loss and there's this fear that if I love, I will lose.
Speaker 1:And it may be because of those past lives or just something else. Maybe those lives never happen and it's just a way that my subconscious is projecting something tangible in my direction for me to try to understand what I'm feeling in a more tangible way, although I do believe that those lives happened. What I've seen in those lives is I reacted very differently after the fact. There were some lives where I went off the deep end, did things that I'm not proud of, and there were other lives where I look at it and I just say, damn, I do not think I would have handled myself that well, I do not think I would have been able to rise above the fray in that way.
Speaker 1:Now the second grade component comes in with the question is time linear? So am I growing, or have those lives not happened yet, or are they truly in the past? And this is that moment of reckoning where I say I did right in those lives, I did wrong in those lives, but that was then and this is now. How do I move forward without the fear of loss? Because one of the things I've also heard from a lot of people, I mean, I think, really actually goes hand in hand with that expression it's better to have loved and lost than have never loved at all.
Speaker 2:I agree.
Speaker 1:That's what I wonder in these situations what are the rules? Because when I hear your story, I can't help but wonder. Let's just say, even though I don't believe the time is linear, but in a linear time sense, what if this was something that happened before, but you handled yourself a very different way, that you really went on a path of self-destruction? And you didn't come back from it and this was you making things you know in quotes, right, like handling yourself in a better way, lifting yourself up.
Speaker 2:I like that perspective.
Speaker 1:And to me, that's where the beauty of reincarnation comes in is if that is the potential or possibility that you're working with. Again, I'm not the arbiter of these things. I could just be talking out of my ass right now, so just take it as a thought. But what if that's? The beauty of this tapestry that we're in? Is that you had the opportunity to do it differently. If that is what happened, or maybe maybe this was the first time and maybe you won't have to do it again I aced it maybe yeah, I, that's a, that's a good perspective and anthony's just sitting up there like you go girl I know you fucking finally passed.
Speaker 2:That is a good way to think, to look at it like, if this is, I'm passing with blind color, shoot, I'm being coronated away. I have thought about that because I've also thought, if time isn't linear, there's a like, right now, there's a version of me that's with him and happy, you know, know, and it feels nice to think about. Like there's, there's there's a version of me that's happy right now. It's so mind boggling to think about it, and that's kind of the rabbit hole that I went down when I first started looking up things. So it was. I didn't come to any conclusion, but I can't accept that there's nothing more.
Speaker 1:I'm just sorry. I'm smiling right now Cause I just think it's that there's nothing more. I'm just sorry. I'm smiling right now Cause I just think it's. I just have respect for you, I just think it's great. Well, thank you, you did use it as an opportunity to grow. And so that doesn't mean that there aren't days that are still hard. I know days where you're going to be sad because, again, I'm sorry, I'm trying to get that word off the tip of my tongue.
Speaker 2:Human.
Speaker 1:That's it Human, you're human.
Speaker 2:I didn't know I was going to cry talking about him. I guess I haven't really sat down and talked to anybody about him recently. Nobody's asked me to tell them about me, about him, because most of the people in my life know him or knew him.
Speaker 1:With that, how does it feel, knowing that this recording will last on in the digital ethers for eternity?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Can you make me cry again? It feels good because it feels like it's also part of him. You know, speaking his name, that's. One of my fears is that there'll come a day where I don't think of him as much and you know he'll be here, so I can always go back to this and hear myself talk about him. It's nice to have that also forever.
Speaker 1:So with that, what is it you want to do With no date set on this one? What is it you want to do with this experience? How do you want to proceed forward?
Speaker 2:Right now I want to get my life back together. I want to get all my things in order, but eventually I'd like to and we talked about this I'd like to set up a foundation that helps people deal with all the all the things that come with loss. I think I told I was fortunate enough to keep my job, you know, even though I took almost like six weeks or six weeks and then I still didn't work for like two weeks. Take that time off and my job was still there. My company was understanding, but you know the grief I don't remember what it's called but they give you like three days of pay and then your job can be terminated. So just helping other people that aren't weren't as fortunate as me know these things and also try to help change what it is now, because loss doesn't go. You know you can't be better after two days or three days or even a week, like loss is. It's a huge thing and I'd like to be able to help change that so more people have the time that I had to cope with my loss Is, even after going back to work after six weeks, I was still a mess.
Speaker 2:I went with like no makeup bun hoodie, it was not cute. I couldn't even function fully, like just now. I'm barely getting all the responsibilities back that I had before, and even now something slipped that before. I was. So on about everything. And they're understanding, thankfully. I'm just saying you know, I'm getting back into the groove of things.
Speaker 1:Because you're what's that word?
Speaker 2:That you're human and I just think it's unfair. Know death happens to everybody and the people that can afford it shouldn't be the only ones that have that flexibility.
Speaker 1:you know it's, it's a human thing and there should be some compassion and some flexibility there for everybody so, before we move on to the end of our recording today, I I want to kind of swing this back again. How does it feel to be putting Anthony's memory out there in a way that's going to help a lot of people?
Speaker 2:I think he'd be happy himself and I think he'd be proud that I was able to turn this into something positive, because he was such a light he he like. I know people say that all the time, but it's like there was not a person that I knew that did not like him. He could go anywhere and talk to anybody, and I was kind of like the grumpy grouch. I was just minding my business, like the only reason I know my neighbors is because of him, and I lived here for like four or five years before he moved in. But now I know my neighbors because he was friends with all of them and it's also a good thing because they they check on me and, you know, help me with things and they're there for me as well. So it's it feels really good to know that he's going to live on through this recording too, not just in my memories, not in just in the people that knew him directly, but you know others will hear about him too.
Speaker 1:You want to see something really cool.
Speaker 2:What is?
Speaker 1:it, so I'm going to I'm going to type it to you in the chat box here right now, so I haven't shared this with you yet. So this mini series is called the Catalyst Because, as we spoke about earlier, it's about how has someone served as a catalyst for you to find a different purpose in your life and some more meaning in a different way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, before, my meaning was make a lot of money. Make a lot of money.
Speaker 1:So right now I'm typing out the title of the episode.
Speaker 2:This episode, mm-hmm oh how does that feel?
Speaker 1:really good I would personally like to thank anthony for coming into your life and, by extension, for introducing the two of us, because, look, I don't know for sure that we never would have met and interacted if it wasn't for him, but those were the circumstances.
Speaker 2:Oh, look at, my eyelash just came off because of all the crying.
Speaker 1:So I would like to thank him for being him. I mean, look, the one thing you said today that struck out to me more than anything I mean above will you be my girlfriend on January 1st 2021, eating burgers in the back of the pickup truck is when you said that he would pull over to help someone who had a flat tire. I was like, boy, what are you doing? You don't do that this day and age, but to me that just really painted the picture.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right. Somebody probably already, like you, already got protocol through. Can I show you?
Speaker 1:him Sure.
Speaker 2:You showed me him before but I'd love to see him again. Well, I have his picture right next to my bed. This is Anthony.
Speaker 1:I mean, he just he looks I'd be sweeter than the Pillsbury Doughboy he was very sweet. He just he has such a I don't know. He feels like a good guy.
Speaker 2:He was a good guy and I was very cynical before meeting him and just kind of thinking life sucked overall. Even when I met him I was still that person. But happy with him and if it changed my perspective, you know I appreciate the people in my life more. I was a workaholic, so I would work like late and he would be so understanding too. He would go don't worry about it, I'll feed the kids, I'll pick them up from school, do whatever. And now I'm, you know, set more boundaries Like no, I'm not, I'm done working. I'm going to go spend time with my kids, my family, you know this is secondary to my life. So he did change a lot, give me different importance in my life.
Speaker 1:On behalf of everyone listening right now, I just want to thank you for coming on and sharing Anthony's story and for Anthony for giving you you know these wonderful experiences, so he can live on forever.
Speaker 2:So thank you so much to both of you. No, thank you. I love talking about him and this gave me another reason to.
Speaker 1:I'll have you back on. We'll talk about him some more in the future, as uh, as it all continues to evolve.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we'll see.
Speaker 1:Are you ready for the new game that I've been playing on Timeless Spirituality? To wrap up the episode. Okay, so this is called the how have you Grown In game. Sorry, let me slow that down. This is called how have you Grown In the Game. How have you Grown in the past game? I'm still getting down the branding for that one.
Speaker 1:Everyone's going to hear that. So in this little bag you right now, or this bag I'm holding up in front of you, I have four different periods of time, four different sheets of paper, each with a different period of time, and you can see, I'm going to put my hand in here, I'm going to spin it up, I'm not going to choose, I'm going to take my hand out. So you see, I'm not holding anyone in particular because I like to maintain the integrity of the game, spinning it around again One more time hand out.
Speaker 1:And turn, hand out really quick, turning, closing my eyes, and I'm pulling out one of these. So, monica, how have you grown in the past? So, monica, how have you grown in the past? Okay, you know what it's, for the sake of the integrity of the game. The options in here are how have you grown in the past day, week, month and year?
Speaker 2:How have you grown in the past year? Well, I think this whole thing was my perspective on life, you know.
Speaker 1:I'm going to have to rework this game a little bit to make sure that we don't have any redundancies in the future. Can I just pull one more just for the sake of the unresolved musical note. Okay, so it's not going to be that one, I'm just going to toss that one out, I'm just going to pull one.
Speaker 2:Can we repeat the questions?
Speaker 1:Really the one I'm sitting there thinking, please, I know what was going to be the answer for that one, not that one. Okay, good, I like this one. Monica, how have you grown in the past?
Speaker 2:day being more. I've been drinking a lot, and I mentioned that too earlier, and I was recently sick for what feels like a month. I don't know if you know that thing that's going around, but I was. That's why my voice is still a little iffy, but I've been drinking pretty much every day, even being sick, using it as an excuse hey, I can't go to the gym, I'm sick, I'm just going to sit home, have a cold one. But I decided today that I was going to stop drinking during the week and I was going to focus on my health and, you know, eating healthy and, if not, hitting the gym, using the treadmill at home and doing my weights. So just a little bit more emphasis on my health and prioritizing myself, not just numbing the emotions. So I think that's a good. That's a good first step towards, you know, taking care of myself.
Speaker 1:I think it's great, and it's a Sunday, so tomorrow is when everything gets to start.
Speaker 2:That's why I was like Monday I get to have my drinks today.
Speaker 1:Thank you again so much for coming on and sharing your story and sharing Anthony's story, and if anyone wants to reach out to you, I'm sorry. If anyone wants to reach out to you, are you okay with that?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And where can they reach you?
Speaker 2:Email, or is it like Instagram type of thing?
Speaker 1:Whatever you feel is best.
Speaker 2:On Instagram more so momosvnz.
Speaker 1:And how do you spell that?
Speaker 2:M-O-M-O-S dot V, as in Victor N-Z.
Speaker 1:And I'll include that in the show notes as well. And yeah, I'll have you back on and we'll it in the show notes as well. And yeah, I'll have you back on. It could be 10 years from now. I mean I'll say 20 years from now. I could potentially be doing the show in 20 years At some point. I'll have you back on and we'll catch up with you.
Speaker 2:It'll be nice to see the difference, you know, Because a year ago I was in a whole different place and now, like I'm curious to see what that would sound like and be like.
Speaker 1:Oh, one last thing I forgot to bring up For all you astrology buffs out there. This all happened right as Saturn was making its return in her chart, literally to the day. This was all happening as Saturn was making its Saturn return. You know, for everyone who's not as well versed in astrology, the Saturn return happens for everyone approximately every 29 and a half years, but it's a cycle in between, basically 28 and 30-ish, but it's a cycle in between, basically 28 and 30-ish, and everyone experiences it and it's something that really serves as a push in a different direction. And I mean, I think the best word is humbling. I know I've heard other ways of that, it's described in other ways, but humbling to me is the most appropriate because it's it kind of just comes through like a, like this beautiful wrecking ball, and just humbles you in a very beautiful way.
Speaker 2:It makes you acknowledge how fragile life is, how temporary everything is. I definitely didn't think about death before Anthony's death and everything was just tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, you know, type of thing.
Speaker 1:Last thing with that that I want to say is you lived a lot of life before your Saturn return. I mean you lived a lot. I mean more life than a lot of people live in their 20s. And I think it doesn't matter how much life you live. There is something about that period of time in your life that really shifts you in a different direction, and it doesn't need to look bad, I mean for me. I'm thinking, oh shit, I just scared everyone for me.
Speaker 1:I did not. Well, no, no, no I. I experienced some loss before that. I was like wait throughout my sad return. Loss was not a component of it, except for it, more of an internal and more of that, that humbling factor.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I don't. I don't know that many things would have changed my perspective on life without totally destroying me. I guess, like if I think about somebody else dying in my life, like my kids, like I can't, can't imagine it. Or my sister, my mom. He was the the most healthy relationship I've had. Um, me and my sister, we get along great, but we don't talk that often. We do talk often, but not like deep conversations. My mom, we get we butt heads because we're very similar. My kids obviously I'm raising them, but anthony was the healthiest relationship, romantic partnership and everything that I've ever had. So I think that factored a lot into the way I view things after his death is that he was just a lot of good in my life that it couldn't. His death couldn't be the thing that brought me down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, cheers to Anthony.
Speaker 2:Cheers to Anthony. He did like to drink with me. Yeah, I mean, o'doul's is really good. From what I hear, I did like to drink with me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean O'Doul's is really good from what I hear.
Speaker 2:I don't drink beer, but I don't drink beer, I drink like tequila yeah.
Speaker 1:And vodka.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean it's very appropriate how I finish all these episodes with that. I always finish by saying yay.
Speaker 2:I'm about to have one after this, because tomorrow Because tomorrow it's Monday, it starts a new cycle tomorrow.
Speaker 1:So yeah, just thank you again. So much for coming on.
Speaker 2:And yay, yay. Thank you, I really appreciate it.